No Good Deed

Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, please be seated.  Asa will now present his defense.  Please keep in mind you will need to decide, “does the punishment fit the crime?”

Asa: Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, whoever said “No good deed goes unpunished” was absolutely correct.  Mom, Dad and Chuck Billy are falsely accusing me of a crime, when I was simply trying to help my big brother.  Let me present the evidence.

First I’ll begin by familiarizing everyone with the events leading up to the night of my punishment.  As you know I accidentally hurt my hind leg last weekend, and prevented Chuck Billy from going on our weekly hiking adventure.  I’m sorry, I now know when running on a wet garage floor it is best to zag and not zig.  Anyways, all week long I patiently listened while Chuck Billy blamed me for throwing off our  routine, while I was simultaneously humiliated by being carried upstairs and forced to go on driveway patrol and not our usual neighborhood walk.

Chuck Billy: Objection!  Irrelevant!  This isn’t about his injury, it’s about the one Asa gave me!

Asa: Overruled!  Now where was I?  Ah yes, knowing my brother was unhappy with me, on Saturday morning I patiently stayed home with Mom while Dad and Chuck Billy enjoyed a romp in our woods.  I really wanted to go, but my parents were still being overly cautious and didn’t want me running in the snow.  When they returned Chuck Billy noticed he had small cut on his paw.

Chuck Billy: Small?  It was a barely noticeable scratch.  A few licks and it would be healed.

Asa: I agree.  However, once again Mom and Dad overreacted to a minor injury and put the cone of shame on Chuck Billy so he would stop licking it.  Not fair!  How come I didn’t get to wear it for my injury?  Unlike Chuck Billy, I LOVE the cone of shame!

Chuck Billy: Irrelevant…  Leading the jury.

Asa: Anyways, I couldn’t help but notice that Chuck Billy was trying to lick his wound but with little success.  That’s when it dawned on me how I could help him!  I would lick his wound!  While Mom and Dad were out enjoying a day without us, I spent the afternoon working on the offending cut.  Chuck Billy didn’t seem to mind, and even took a nap.  However, it didn’t take long for me to realize, the small cut had somehow turned into a giant hot spot.  I kept licking, hoping to make it better.  That’s when Mom and Dad returned earlier than expected, and instantly accused me of hurting my brother!  How did they know it was me and not him, you ask?  They spied on me with the security camera!  Talk about being violated!  Who spies on their own dogs, while out having fun without them?  That is the real crime here!

Chuck Billy: It’s all your fault!  Mom and Dad wouldn’t have needed to spy on us and would have taken us with them if you didn’t hurt your stupid leg last weekend running into Mom’s parked car!  Then I wouldn’t have cut my paw in our woods, because we’d be off enjoying a hike somewhere else!

Asa: Objection!  My leg is fine!  Besides, I was only trying to help you!  Stop barking at me!

After inspecting the wound, Dad got the vet wrap, and bandaged Chuck Billy’s injured paw so this way between the cone and the wrap neither one of us could get to the wound.  Problem solved!  Well sort of…the wrap was really intriguing, and Chuck Billy couldn’t get a look at it while wearing the cone of shame.  So once again I helped him by taking off the bandage.  Then while he chewed the bandage, I licked his itchy wound.  I call that teamwork!

Chuck Billy: Ok, I admit I did appreciate you taking that annoying vet wrap off my paw.

Asa: See, you do admit I was just trying to help!  Hear that Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury?  I did help!  However, that’s when things took a sad turn.  Mom and Dad decided that when they can’t watch us, we need to be separated!  Want to break a Golden Retriever’s heart?  Put him in a different room than his best friend!  Ok, so there was only a baby gate between us, and I could see him.  Mom even put our beds on either side of the gate so I could be close to him.  But it still made me sad, and I whimpered all night.

Now because of that innocent act I am forced to sleep alone at night until Chuck Billy’s wound heals!  Can’t you see I am a victim of my good deeds?  Based on the evidence, this is all just an innocent misunderstanding and I have been punished enough.  I was only trying to help!  Can’t my sentence be reduced to time served, and I can sleep with him tonight?  I promise not to go near his wound.  Or better yet, can I wear a cone of shame too?  I LOVE the cone of shame!  I rest my case.

Chuck Billy: I have nothing further to add, other than I slept fine with Asa on the other side of the baby gate.  It was nice having the dog bed all to myself for once.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, the decision is up to you, does the punishment fit the crime?  Thank You.

I’m sorry Chuck Billy for making your cut worse. I was only trying to help! Please don’t be mad!

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About the author

Chuck Billy is a Golden Retriever, living in Southern Maine, who likes to share his unique observations on life with his little brother Asa. When not writing his blog, he spends his days being awesome.

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