Storming the Castle: A Golden Tale

In a castle far, far away, a King and his trusted Knight, Sir Golden Wolf, were hard at work in their castle.  Now this castle wasn’t a very large castle like the ones in most tales of adventure.  Instead it was rather small.  In fact, this castle may just look like a desk to someone without an imagination.  But to that King and his trusted Knight, it was the center of their kingdom!  Now in this kingdom there also lived a Court Jester.  This goofy little fellow wasn’t all that little, and at times he would annoy the King and Sir Golden Wolf when they were working.  This was especially true on the day this tale took place, because the Court Jester was wearing a special piece of armor known by many as “the cone of shame.”  It being a small desk-like castle, the Jester in his cone of shame armor wouldn’t fit.  So the King barred him from entering with a magical cardboard box.  However, because he was a fair King, he placed only a foot away from the desk-like castle all the toys the Court Jester could ever want, hoping to distract this jolly fool.  However, the King and his Golden Wolf completely underestimated the Court Jester’s determination to entertain them.

As the King settled in to conduct the day’s business, and Sir Golden Wolf made himself comfortable under the desk-like castle to supervise, the Court Jester sat resting his head on the cardboard wall with the saddest expression he could manage on his goofy face.  Sir Golden Wolf laughed to himself.  “That’s why he’ll never be a knight!  Doesn’t he realize he can just jump over that wall?  After all it is only a shoebox with the Queen’s latest purchase!”  While Sir Golden Wolf laughed himself into a deep sleep…oops, I mean meditation, the King reached over the castle wall to pet the Court Jester.  Eventually though, the pressing matters of the kingdom distracted him, and the Court Jester was ignored in his cone of shame armor.

Soon Sir Golden Wolf was startled awake by the sound of something repeatedly smashing against the desk-like castle!  They were under attack!  The Court Jester was storming the castle!  But it being a silly Jester, he didn’t take the easy route of simply knocking over the cardboard wall barring his entrance.  On the contrary, he decided to breach the castle by taking the most difficult route of crawling under the Queen’s adjoining desk-like castle!  Again the Golden Wolf laughed to himself.  “He’ll never make it,” he thought.  “He’s wearing that foolish cone of shame armor.  He’ll never fit under the castle wall!”  And with that the Golden Wolf made himself comfortable to watch the silly fool.  However, not to be deterred, the Court Jester panted with excitement as he continued on his quest.  Even the King stopped his important work to peek under the castle wall to see what the Jester was was doing.  “Stop it,” yelled the King, “You’ll never fit!”

However, both the King and Sir Golden Wolf underestimated the heart of gold within the Jester, not to mention the the flexibility of that cone of shame armor.  For you see, the Court Jester knew it was his job to entertain his kingdom and stay glued to his King’s side.  So he misunderstood the King’s rants and Sir Golden Wolf’s sighs as encouragement to continue.  It took a lot of brute strength, and more spatial reasoning skills than anyone ever dreamed the Jester had in him, but to the amazement of the King and Sir Golden Wolf, the fool actually managed to fit his head under the wall dividing the two desk-like castles!  The Court Jester smiled at the Golden Wolf with an expression that can best be described as a combination of pride and utter amazement.  But he was far from finished from storming the castle.

“There’s no way he can make it past me,” thought Sir Golden Wolf.  “I am blocking his path.  Besides, no silly Jester would dare challenge a noble Knight.”  At first it appeared the Court Jester knew exactly what Sir Golden Wolf was thinking.  Tired from his exertions, while trying to think of his next move the Court Jester fell asleep with his head wedged under the castle wall.  Yet little did anyone realize, it is while sleeping that the Court Jester has his best thoughts.  He awoke from his nap inspired by a dream to continue his quest to glory!  He was going to use his cone of shame armor as a battering ram!

While Sir Golden Wolf sprawled out as much as possible to hold his ground and block the attack, the Court Jester crawled under the castle wall straight at him.  The Golden Knight valiantly tried to defend his castle.  He growled and pushed back, but eventually he was forced to admit defeat and retreated by jumping over the magical cardboard wall.  This got the King’s attention, but being in an important meeting with the Kings and Queens of other kingdoms, he was unable to reprimand the silly Court Jester.  Instead he smiled the broadest smile anyone had ever seen, as the Court Jester assumed his rightful position next to his King inside the desk-like castle.  The Court Jester’s work was done.  He had amused his King!

[Editor’s Note: This story is based on true events.  Asa was getting tired of me sharing his embarassing stories.  So he requested to be the hero of an exciting tale of adventure.  I guess just this one time, I’ll grant his request.  My sincere apologies for the attached cone-free reenactment photo.  Dad didn’t take any photos that day, and Mom refused to let Asa try it again wearing the cone of shame!]

It wasn’t a fairy tale, I really did storm the desk-like castle to victory!

Our Court Jester wearing his cone of shame armor.


About the author

Chuck Billy is a Golden Retriever, living in Southern Maine, who likes to share his unique observations on life with his little brother Asa. When not writing his blog, he spends his days being awesome.

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