The Polite Greeting of Santa

Ok, so I may not have been completely honest with all of you.  The reason I’m perpetually on Santa’s naughty list has nothing to do with me stealing his hat while taking a selfie, nor does it have anything to do with the creepy elf or cats spying on my behavior.  I may have accidentally defended my home from Santa when I was a puppy.  But in my defense on any other day I’d be hailed a hero for protecting my family from this home invader!  I totally blame my big brother Lemmy for not warning me about Santa.  However, what’s done is done.  So for puppies who are enjoying their first Christmas, and for older dogs who may need a refresher, here are my words of advice:

For 364 days a year it is required that we protect our home from intruders.  Especially those who appear in the middle of the night after everyone has gone to bed.  But one night a year, on December 24, under no circumstances are you to defend our family’s safety from Santa; despite the fact that he will come sneaking in unannounced with a large bag and eat your cookies!  Now I know what you are thinking.  This goes against everything you’ve learned about protecting your home.  But you must indeed overcome your instincts to protect your family, and instead remember your lessons on the polite greeting of strangers.

However as with everything else associated with Christmas, once again there is a catch.  You must distinguish between whether the intruder is indeed Santa, or instead a burglar.  It is crucial that you don’t confuse the two!  Otherwise you could be in some serious trouble with Mom and Dad if you let someone walk off with your TV, or on the naughty list forever if you prevent Santa from doing his job.  Trust me, I speak from experience here.  The best way to recognize Santa is that he has an aversion to using doors, and will most likely descend down the chimney or simply magically appear in the living room.  Burglars tend to use doors and windows.  Another valuable clue is Santa cannot resist cookies, and will pause in his mission to sample a few.  Burglars definitely don’t stop for a cookie break.  Also as with elves, Santa is a snappy dresser.  He will be wearing a gaudy red suit that would look ridiculous if anyone else tried to wear it, but somehow it works for him.  Finally, the biggest indicator is Santa will leave presents NOT take the presents under the tree.  Nor will Santa remove your TV.  Burglars will absolutely leave with something, and definitely don’t put gifts under the tree.  Oh and I almost forgot, Santa inexplicably smells like peppermint.

Now another thing to remember is although Santa is a really nice guy, no matter how excited you are to see him you must not delay him from his work.  Santa has only one night to deliver squeaky toys to all good dogs around the world.  Let’s face it, even Santa can’t resist the adorableness of dogs.  So it is our responsibility to not let him get distracted and make sure he remains focused on his mission.  The happiness of dogs everywhere depends on it!  So no begging for belly rubs, no bringing him a ball to play fetch, and despite your excitement at meeting a celebrity – absolutely no jumping!  There is a good possibility that one indiscretion could land you on the naughty list!

Paws crossed, Santa has forgotten about my overly enthusiastic greeting of him oh so many years ago, and this year I will finally be on the nice list!

Don’t worry, Santa was able to deliver presents around the world that year, despite my enthusiasm greeting him.


About the author

Chuck Billy is a Golden Retriever, living in Southern Maine, who likes to share his unique observations on life with his little brother Asa. When not writing his blog, he spends his days being awesome.

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