Dear Owen Wilson,

While watching the season premier of Saturday Night Live, I was struck by the review you shared. “Owen Wilson’s on-screen persona has all the ambition of an old Golden Retriever laying next to a fire.” In your monologue, you implied that was a negative comment. On the contrary! Being compared to a sugar faced Golden Retriever is actually a compliment.

Yes, many actors strive to be like the Labrador Retriever in Marley and Me, always stealing the spotlight with their rambunctious, over-the-top performance. As I recall, even you couldn’t resist sharing the big screen with that scene stealing Yellow Lab in the movie version of the book. But there is something to be said about the captivating dignity of an old Golden who is confident in who they are, and doesn’t need to put on needless theatrics to hold the attention of their audience. In fact, I can say with authority that my Mom and Dad have spent hours watching me lay by the fire.

Besides, who doesn’t love a Golden Retriever? We are one of the most popular breeds, and may I add one of the most intelligent. So to answer your question, “Is it the worst thing in the world to be a Golden Retriever laying next to a fire?” No, it is not! I encourage you to embrace your ambition to be a Golden!

Sincerely,

Chuck Billy