Not to brag, but I will. Another vacuum has bit the dust thanks to my fur. Oh sure it took 9 years, 2 months and 3 Golden Retrievers to defeat it, but I did.

Asa: Whoa! Technically the vacuum still works. The suction is still going strong. It’s just the molded plastic ball needed to steer it broke in half, and is expensive to fix.

Chuck Billy: Hey, Dad bought Mom a new one, and it wasn’t even her birthday! That’s all that matters.

Asa: But he’s keeping the old one to use for the cars, and quick cleanups in the garage and basement when the wet vac is too bulky to use.

Chuck Billy: Why are you denying me this moment?

Asa: I kind of liked the old vacuum. It’s the only one I’ve ever known in my 6 years. I’ll miss our daily time together.

Chuck Billy: What are you doing with that guitar?

Asa: *strums* As I sit in this dirty room, filled with grit and sand, I pass my time with fur balls, but this vacuum’s my only friend…

Chuck Billy: A parody of “Never Say Goodbye,” as a tribute to a vacuum, seriously? You could at least join my celebration and sing a more appropriate parody of “Another One Bites the Dust!”

Asa: *continues singing* Remember when you sucked up all my treats, and you found more than that under those couch seats…

Chuck Billy: *plugs in new vacuum* Wow, just listen to that hum! You can’t hear anything over it! Now stop singing your sad song as we watch Mom take the new one for its inaugural spin around the living room!

Asa: I feel like you’re hoping it will fail based on all the fur you collected for this moment. Wait? Is that why you asked Mom to brush us extra this week?

Chuck Billy: Care to make any bets on how long this new Dyson Ball Animal 2 will last?

Asa: Based on the previous one, a very long time! Welcome to our home new vacuum cleaner!