Welcome everyone to a Celebration of Life for Chuck Billy, on what would have been his 13th birthday! Chuck Billy had big plans for how he envisioned marking this milestone, which have all sadly changed. We never dreamed he wouldn’t be here. However, that doesn’t mean we can’t celebrate his amazing life! My brother was a planner, and he already had us preparing for this milestone, prior to his sudden departure over Rainbow Bridge in December. For some reason he thought he’d be interviewed on his 13th birthday by either Oprah, late night talk show host Jimmy Fallon, or that guy who interviews celebrities while they eat hot wings. Therefore Chuck Billy wanted to prepare by rehearsing these questions with me. Although this is in rough draft form, here are the questions about his achievements, failures, hopes and dreams that he wanted me to ask him.

Asa: Chuck Billy, you are truly an inspiration, a marvel to behold…. Hey wait a minute, this is a script not interview questions!

Chuck Billy: Just keep reading!

Asa: *skim, skim, skim, eye roll* Oh here we go… What are your greatest accomplishments thus far in your 13 years?

Chuck Billy: Where to begin? There are so many!

Asa: Oh boy here we go…

Chuck Billy: Well I guess if we are going chronologically, I should begin 13 years ago when I first joined our family. I do give our older brother, Lemmy, credit for doing his best trying to train Mom and Dad, but at 5 years old he had clearly given up on the task and was letting some bad habits slip in. Therefore, at a very young age I knew it was up to me to further their training so they could reach their full potential. This wasn’t easy, Lemmy was set in his ways, and so were Mom and Dad. Would you believe dinner was served anytime between 5 PM and 6 PM? Well I promptly fixed that! But those details are trivial now. Just rest assured under my guidance I made some serious changes for the better. *pauses…points at paper Asa is holding*

Asa: Thank you for taking charge! What about the time you took on the monumental task of mentoring me?

Chuck Billy: Interesting you should ask that! Those were troubling times, having to cast aside my puppy ways at barely 3 years old. So I do admit mistakes were made in your tutelage. I may have even faltered and resorted back to my puppy ways. This is why a few years later I enrolled you and our parents in private training classes, to get us working as a team again! *dramatic sigh* This brings me to my greatest regret. *motions to start playing sad music* My biggest regret was after all that hard work training Mom and Dad, when it came to the very evening where I was to show off their skills, and earn their Human Good Citizen Certifications, oops, I mean Canine Good Citizen Certification, the world closed down due to the pandemic. Thus closing the chapter on our journey of becoming a certified therapy dog team, to further share my smile with the world.

Asa: You could still do it!

Chuck Billy: Alas, I don’t have the patience to once again retrain Mom and Dad from their bad habits.

Asa: But…

Chuck Billy: Stop interrupting me! Just read the questions!

Asa: *picks up sheet of paper* Speaking of the future, what are your goals?

Chuck Billy: First and foremost I promise the world to continue my research into UFOs, specifically my theories into cats being visitors from Mars, that portals do exist in our kitchen, and that extraterrestrials love to vacation in Maine. Which brings me to my next goal of continuing to explore the great state of Maine, and all of New England. At approximately 200 places visited in the past 10 years, I’ve barely scratched the surface of where I want to lead our family! There are still many peaks to climb! Valleys to explore! And rivers to ford! I also intend to finally pursue my goal of making fetch a recognized sport in the Summer Olympics. But rest assured that these valiant goals, that will better all of mankind and dogkind, will NOT interfere with my responsibilities of neighborhood patrol, supervising Dad and Mom at work, and overseeing the daily operations of our household. *nudges Asa to stop him from daydreaming*

Asa: Oops, where are we? *skim, skim, skim* Oh boy here we go… Please tell us Chuck Billy, what can I, a mere minion, do better to help you achieve your true greatness?

Chuck Billy: Oh Asa, thank you for recognizing that you’ll never be as awesome as me. It must be difficult living in my shadow. But there are things you can do to help! For one thing, please stop singing “Baby Shark” on a loop track! Asa? ASA! You’re singing it in your head now, aren’t you? Oh never mind, in summary, here is a simple list of just a few of my many responsibilities, in no particular order:

• Activities Director
• Time Management Coordinator
• Chairman of the Neighborhood Watch Patrol
• Waste Management Supervisor
• Security Operations Manager
• Asa’s Life Coach
• Human Obedience Trainer 
• Athletic Director
• Human Resources Officer
• Notary Public
• People Manager
• Doomsday Prepper
• Toy Quality Control Inspector
• Covert Agent
• Project Manager
• Food and Beverage Logistics Manager
• Director of Community Relations and Outreach

This list, of course, doesn’t include my many hobbies I enjoy during my spare time which among other things are Intrepid Explorer, Dog Ufologist, Fetch Aficionado, and History Enthusiast. Asa! Are you even listening to me?

Asa’s Response January 30, 2025: Of course I was listening to you Chuck Billy! For 13 years you were all this and so much more for our family! Thank You! Cheers to a life well lived!