Thank you for attending today’s press conference at such short notice. My name is Detective Chuck Billy, and I am the lead investigator, with me is my unwitting assistant, Asa. Where did he go? Oh never mind, I’m sure he’ll turn up. Today I am pleased to announce that not only did I successfully solve the dog nail clippers cold case mystery from three years ago, I have made my most amazing discovery to date as a Dog Ufologist! But first the backstory to fully appreciate the startling announcement I am about the reveal.
In January 2018 Asa and I were falsely accused and interrogated for the disappearance of our dog nail clippers. The trial was a real nail biter, but only because our nail clippers could not be found and our claws were getting really long. Thankfully due to the diligence of our attorney, Pye the Guinea Pig, Esq., Asa and I were acquitted of all charges. However since that time, despite additional searches, the nail clippers were never found. A blemish to my otherwise flawless record as a detective, until now.
Recently I found myself with another mystery on my paws, which on the surface seemed unrelated to this cold case. Yet during my thorough investigation, I soon realized were intrinsically connected. Two weeks ago while putting away a can of whipped cream, Dad accidentally knocked the cap off. After searching the area around the refrigerator, Dad assumed it must have fallen somewhere inside the fridge, and would be found later. He then turned his attention to his dessert. Mom gave a quick search for it the following day both outside and inside the fridge, but she was also unsuccessful in locating it. She, too, assumed the bright red cap was somewhere inside the fridge. Time went on and they forgot it was even missing, that is until yesterday.
While putting away the groceries, Mom saw the capless can of whipped cream and searched the nearly empty refrigerator more throughly for it before putting away the new food. She didn’t find it. Under my supervision, Mom expanded her search to the area outside the refrigerator. The area that just a few feet away includes the last known location where the dog nail clippers were seen before their disappearance three years earlier. Again, no cap was found.
Intrigued, I brought in Asa for questioning. He admitted that although he was in the vicinity when the cap disappeared, he had not seen it fall, and added an important piece of evidence. No one actually heard the cap hit the floor, or anywhere else for that matter. And trust me, if either of us heard it, we would have been right there to retrieve it. The cap’s location was a mystery, until Asa reminded me of the details to the nail clipper cold case.
This brings me to why I called this press conference today. I would like to declare with great certainty that the mysterious disappearances of both the dog nail clippers and the cap to the can of whipped cream have not only been solved, they are indeed connected. And that it is I, the great Detective and renowned Dog Ufologist, Chuck Billy, who solved these mysteries. The reason why we never found these items is because there is a wormhole to another dimension in my kitchen!
