Thanks to an inquisitive Guinea Pig, I solved the mystery of why Dire Wolves are extinct!  It all began when our new little friend, Pyewacket, emailed and asked a simple question, that had an obvious answer.  However, it was Asa’s surprising response that gave me insight into the mind of the Dire Wolf.  After further scientific observation, I now can say with great confidence why my little brother is the only surviving Dire Wolf!

My scientific study began when Pyewacket emailed, “Is an ear of corn meant to be eaten because it’s food…or sat upon because it’s a bench? …or both?”  Being a silly question, I was going to ignore it, and just let Asa handle it.  Then I read Asa’s response: “I’m not familiar with Guinea Pig etiquette.  But as a Dire Wolf I strongly recommend playing with and sitting on your food before consuming.”  What?!  Surely Asa was joking!  However, it was obvious from Pyewacket’s response, that she is just as naive as Asa.  “Thanks for the advice Asa!  I’m being introduced to new things daily, and sometimes I’m not sure how to proceed.  I think I shall take your Dire Wolf outlook and play with and sit on everything.”  Immediately I responded to set the record straight!  “Dear Pye, It seems my little brother has given you some bad advice.  First and foremost you must try to eat everything you encounter in this world!  How else will you know if it is edible or not?  Then if it’s not edible, that’s when you can play with it or use it as furniture.  Stick with me kid, I won’t steer you wrong!”  Satisfied I saved poor Pywacket from starvation, I went to bed.

However, all night long Asa’s response troubled me.  Could it be possible that Asa’s happy-go-lucky Dire Wolf instincts tell him that it is perfectly fine to play with, sit on, and then eat one’s food?  The following evening I had my answer.  Feeling guilty from their day out without us, Mom and Dad returned home with treats from a new dog bakery, and before bed they handed each of us a savory delight.  As I gulped mine down, I was shocked to see what Asa did with his treat.  Asa did indeed play with it!  First he happily held it in his mouth.  Next he repeatedly dropped it on the floor and picked it up again.  At this point it took everything in me not to snatch up the treat and eat it myself, but I knew I couldn’t tamper with this scientific test.  Instead I watched as Asa looked at me with his usual goofy expression while I finished off the crumbs from my treat.  Ok, I thought, he’s confused, but surely he will follow my example.  Next thing I know, Asa was happily batting the treat around the floor with his nose and paws like a toy!

Giving Asa the benefit of the doubt, I thought perhaps he was actually channeling his inner Dire Wolf and enjoying the thrill of the kill while simultaneously putting fear into his victim by taunting it.  Wow, my brother could be more vicious than I realized!  Next, Asa happily trotted over to his bed, gently placed the treat on it, and sat down.  Not even a deranged sociopath would torture it’s victim this long.  Asa really was playing with his food like a toy with no intention of eating it!  This game went on for what seemed like an eternity, but in reality was probably just a few minutes.  Finally Dad announced, “he’s not going to eat it.  Give it to Chuck Billy, and I’ll get his usual treat, so we can go to bed.”  Thus concluded my scientific research.

From my thorough observations it is evident that the Dire Wolf, the most fearsome Wolf to ever exist and the most famous prehistoric carnivore in North America, went extinct because it played with, then sat with it’s food, before eating it!  That, my friends, explains why Golden Wolves who NEVER play with their food are alive and thriving, while there is only one known Dire Wolf living in Maine.  Well luckily for that one surviving Dire Wolf, Asa has Mom, Dad and me around to make sure he doesn’t starve to death!  Thank you Pyewacket for being the inspiration for my important scientific discovery!