Ok, I get it.  Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.  So I can’t really fault Asa for wanting to be awesome like me.  But today he’s overstepping his boundaries and trying to steal my identity!  It all began around 4:00 AM, when for no apparent reason Asa started barking.  He never barks!  Mom immediately recognized his high pitch voice, and came running.  Heck, even I was alarmed by this sudden outburst from my usually happy-go-lucky little brother.  Everyone knows I’m the only one who barks.  After surveying the area and seeing no signs of danger, Mom assumed he needed to go outside and quickly ushered us out into the freezing backyard.  Turns out Asa’s outburst was just because he wanted to play fetch.  Seriously bro, you woke everyone up (except Dad, of course) for that?  However, being older and wiser, not to mention tired, I didn’t make a fuss, and went back to bed.  No big deal.

Next thing I know he’s stealing my petting spot!  My morning routine includes sitting to the left side of Mom’s chair so she can pet me, while Asa sits on the right to be petted.  But this morning he pushed me out of my ideal petting spot, determined to sit on the left side as well!  He knows that’s my spot!  It is the perfect location to get scratched behind my right ear, while simultaneously monitoring Dad’s activities in the kitchen.  However, once again I cut Asa some slack.  Spatial reasoning is not his strong point.  After trying to shove him out of the way without success, I whined until Mom guided Asa back to his side of the chair.  Problem solved.

But now Asa really crossed the line.  Everyone knows that under Mom’s desk is my domain!  I may have turned the other cheek for the other incidents, but I refused to back down here.  I chose that spot for a very specific reason.  It allows me to oversee Dad while he is working at his desk, while also dictating my latest blog post to Mom.  Doesn’t Asa realize that Dad cannot do his job without me?  And this blog certainly doesn’t write itself!  Furthermore, by intruding into my space under the desk he is unable to fulfill his Squirrel watch duties.  All day long I bark at Squirrels.  Is it too much to ask Asa to pull his weight and monitor for intruders from the office window while I nap…I mean work?!  Apparently it is, because moments ago Asa came running up to the office ahead of me, and boldly claimed my spot.  At first I tried to not cause a fuss by also wedging myself under the desk, but Mom pointed out her arms aren’t nearly long enough to reach the keyboard with both of us there.  Then Mom asked me, yes me, to move!  That’s when I snapped.  I started wrestling with Asa under the desk.  Dad yelled something about power cords, and banished me from the office for the entire morning!

Mom and Dad, can’t you see I am a victim of identity theft?  Not only that, but Asa is failing miserably at trying to be awesome like me!  His bark is squeaky and ill-timed; he doesn’t appreciate the behind the ear scratch; and he’s disrupting our morning work routine.  Yet here I stand at the gate looking into the office, watching Asa in my spot, while barking my blog post to Mom from a distance!  You may have won this round Asa, but the day is young!  I will not be denied my identity rights!