Sometimes I make being a renowned Dog Ufologist look too easy. However, in reality it does come with a lot of responsibility, and I occasionally have to make some tough decisions. Take for example recently my friend Sijan brought it to my attention that the vast majority of UFO sightings in the United States occur between 4:00 PM and midnight, peaking between 9:00 and 10:00 PM. This brings up the difficult question of what should I do about my dinner, which is served promptly at 5:00 PM?

Now the obvious decision would be to move my dinnertime to 3:00 PM. However, Mom and Dad don’t seem to agree. They claim something about it being too early and I’ll be demanding a second dinner at bedtime. Again, I don’t see the problem here, but there is no convincing them when they are being unreasonable.

Another option would be to have Asa keep an eye to sky while I eat my dinner. But he is what we call in the industry an “unreliable witness.” Asa would no doubt miss the important details that should be reported, because he’d be too busy waving and trying to make friends with the extraterrestrials. Not to mention he’s way too easily distracted, and has a wild imagination.

A third option would be to eat my dinner outside. But again that comes with its own set of problems. For example, how can I watch the sky with my head pointed down at the bowl? One solution would be to lay on my back to eat, but the food would fall out of my bowl if upside down above me. Mom could feed me while I lay there looking up watching the skies, but she’s like Asa and is too easily distracted. I may not get fed my entire dinner or at the rapid pace that I prefer.

I could ask Dad to build a deck that’s high up, so I am above if not equal with the horizon. Thus putting my bowl at an angle that I could easily eat while also keeping an eye out for UFOs. But last year it took Dad an entire summer just to build those four steps to the backdoor. My UFO research couldn’t possibly wait for him to build an entire deck!

There is the possibility of positioning a mirror under my bowl, so while looking down to eat I can simultaneously scan the skies. However, I run the risk of the UFO blinding me by hitting it with their laser beams.