It has come to our attention that last Friday was Employee Appreciation Day.  So Asa and I thought we’d take this opportunity to remind Mom and Dad to appreciate the variety of employee benefits we give them each and every day by taking care of us.

Health Care: As our employees, the biggest benefit Asa and I offer to Mom and Dad is unlimited health care.  We keep you healthy and strong with our mandatory exercise program.  It all begins bright and early with a brisk 5K walk.  Often this is the first of multiple walks during the day.  On the weekend, we increase your exercise with an additional hike or beach run.  Our health care benefits also includes incorporating exercise into your daily routine without you knowing it.  We encourage you to do countless squats while bending down to pet us.  I try to motivate you to go as low as possible by insisting you give me belly rubs.  There is also the high knee lift when you have to step over the obstacle course we create laying on the floor, usually in the kitchen when you are trying to prepare meals.  Our health care benefits also improves your reflexes.  This includes but is not limited to your attempts to beat our two second record to pick up dropped food, running to the door so you can be there first to greet visitors, and of course the sprints in the middle of the night to get us outside when one of us is about to vomit on the rug.

401 Canine: Our 401 Canine plan helps you to save in a variety of ways.  Thanks to us, you regularly avoid going out to places where dogs are not allowed, and instead opt to stay home with Asa and me.  This saves you from spending money foolishly on yourselves at places like restaurants, movie theaters and stores.  With that money you save, we recommend that you invest it into purchasing tennis balls for us, which will increase your health care benefits with our never ending games of fetch, not to mention gives you something to do when home with us.

Free Counseling: Our Open Crate Policy allows you to share with us your hopes, dreams, fears, and concerns.  We are always here to listen to you free of charge.  As your bosses, Asa and myself care about you and know just when you need a laugh, a cuddle, or even a furry head to cry on.

Vacation Policy: We are firm believers that family time is important.  Family time strengthens bonds, develops positive behavior, not to mention creates happy memories.  Therefore, we insist on vacations with us.  Mom and Dad, you don’t need to waste precious vacation time flying to exotic places or spending the weekend at a quaint inn where dogs aren’t allowed.  Instead, vacation time spent with us is a far more rewarding experience.  That’s why as your employers we insist on you taking us everywhere you go!

Flextime: We also encourage flextime within your day to further ensure a positive work environment.  Studies show that a repetitive routine makes for a dull work day and uninspired employees.  By working into your daily tasks a system of breaks as determined by us, our flexible work schedule adds unpredictability to your day and keeps it from becoming mundane.  That is why during conference calls we bark at unseen nemeses, while concentrating on report writing we decide that is when we absolutely must go out for a potty break, and after a long day when you finally relax in front of the TV we insist you play with us instead.  Our flextime keeps you alert and sharp!

With that said, Happy Employee Appreciation Day Mom and Dad!  We hope you appreciate the variety of employee benefits we give you.  So next time you’re grumbling about Asa waking you at 4 AM on a Saturday because he wants to play, or when I demand you to stop talking with a client to let me out to chase a squirrel, you better appreciate being our employees, because everything we do is to benefit you!  No need to thank us, we do it because we care!  But if you do want to thank us, Boss Appreciation Day is on Monday, October 16, 2017.