Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me a third time, and you seriously just need to stop! I can’t believe it happened again. Me, Chuck Billy the renowned Dog Ufologist, was abducted by a UFO at Dr. Doug’s veterinary hospital while investigating the Mystery of the Bloody Paw Prints a few weeks ago. Once again my experience had all the tell tale signs of an Alien abduction: missing period of time and waking up to find an unexplained medical procedure performed on me. However, thanks to this most recent event, I have gained greater insight into this phenomenon.
As with my other Alien abductions, that morning began with Mom and Dad acting very strange. So strange that they forgot to feed me breakfast, and instead just kept hugging me! Are they co-conspirators in this sinister extraterrestrial plot? After all it was Mom and Dad who drove me to Dr. Doug’s office on each occasion this happened.
Or by not feeding me were they trying to protect me from my veterinarian fattening me up for the Aliens? After all, Dr. Doug gives me way more treats during a short visit, than I receive in an entire week at home. Yet then he tells me I should go on a diet. My fellow Dog Ufologist, Pippi, pondered what if my veterinarian is being forced to work for the Aliens? What if by telling me to go on a diet it is his way of warning me! Perhaps I’m looking at the wrong suspects?
This made me look critically at who else was always present at the animal hospital when I’ve been abducted by UFOs. How could I overlook Sassy, the office Cat? She’s been lurking every time I go! I’ve always dismissed her suspicious behavior because she’s a Cat. But that meant I ignored my strongest theory to date, that Cats are from Mars! Of course Sassy is behind my UFO abductions!
However, she isn’t acting alone! Following my surgery I was groggy, but now that I’m thinking more clearly, I reread Dr. Doug’s notes where he stated my wound could experience “dehiscing.” Clearly he spelled “de-hissing” wrong as a secret code to warn me my nemesis Snakes were involved! To those who think I’m invincible, I admit Snakes are my kryptonite. I freeze in their presence. I must have been so focused on my human friends at the animal hospital that I missed the telltale hissing that a Snake was there too! Thus resulting in me being frozen in time so the Aliens could perform their nefarious experiments on me. This totally explains the missing period of time! But what about the medical procedure on my paw?
This time I awoke to find my paw wrapped in a bandage, and a piece of it missing. What experiment were these Aliens trying to learn from me? I know I’m super fast at fetch. Perhaps they want my DNA to replicate my superior athletic ability? Or is this far more sinister? Are they trying to slow me down to hinder my research on their UFO activity? Well the joke is on them! While I rest my paw I have plenty of time to think about the events that unfolded that day, while Asa takes over doing neighborhood patrol for me.
Oh no! Could Asa be responsible for my most recent UFO abduction? All this social distancing has clouded his judgement, and he’s been making friends with all sorts of bugs and critters this summer. Could it be possible he befriended a Martian Cat, a nefarious Snake, and an Extraterrestrial without me knowing, and unwittingly aided in this most recent incident?
