Asa here, writing to you from an undisclosed location.  Chuck Billy is insisting that we stay in his secret bunker during the solar eclipse.  As a Dog Ufologist, Chuck Billy is convinced that while the United States is shrouded in darkness, Aliens will use that as an opportunity to invade earth.  I know, it sounds silly.  However, as his little brother it is my job to believe what he says.  It’s tradition.  After all, when Chuck Billy was a puppy, our oldest brother, Lemmy filled his head with all sorts of Dog Alien Abduction Theories.  In fact, it was Lemmy who taught Chuck Billy about bunkers.  They stayed in Lemmy’s bunker during the anticlimactic Mayan Apocalypse of 2012.  It may all sound foolish, but I have to admit Lemmy’s influence has led to some of Chuck Billy’s more interesting theories on UFOs.

For example, during the Perseid Meteor Showers last year Chuck Billy theorized that Aliens use the meteors to disguise their ships.  At first I was skeptical, but sure enough he showed me photos captured in our backyard of the UFO laser beams pointed right at me!  Or how about that time a UFO was spotted over Portland, Maine?  I thought for sure they were just intergalactic tourists enjoying all that Maine has to offer.  However, now Chuck Billy is convinced that visit was a research trip in preparation for today’s Great American Solar Eclipse!  Well luckily for us, the Aliens are bad at geography.  Today’s eclipse will only be a partial one here in Maine!  We still have plenty of time to prepare for the total solar eclipse scheduled for Maine on April 8, 2024.

So while the rest of the United States watches the eclipse today, I’ll patiently listen to Chuck Billy’s latest predictions, as well as what other folks are saying about this spectacular event of the century.  Would you believe this exact day is the 62nd anniversary of little green men crashing a family gathering in Kentucky?  They have all sorts events planned in Hopkinsville, Kentucky in case the Aliens are feeling nostalgic and decide to return today.  Even the South Carolina Emergency Management Division is warning about unique visitors that may come out to view the eclipse.  They tweeted if you see the legendary Lizard Man, to please remember if you “see something, say something.”  Another organization even made a map showing all the past Bigfoot sightings along today’s projected path for the solar eclipse.  They appropriately named the map “Sunsquatch.”  I just hope Bigfoot was able to get the proper ISO certified glasses to watch the eclipse!

Although Chuck Billy has done a good job preparing our bunker in an undisclosed location, I have to admit there’s one place I thought he’d rather be today.  Carhenge in Alliance, Nebraska is located along the direct path of the eclipse.  Surely this is the exact reason why the ancient Druids of Nebraska constructed this stonehenge out of cars – to welcome UFOs during the 2017 eclipse!  That small town is expecting tens of thousands of visitors today.  However, while the rest of the United States watches the Great American Eclipse, I’ll be safe and sound listening to my big brother, the Greatest American Dog Ufologist, and I wouldn’t want to spend it any other way.