Welcome to the 6th Annual Golden Tail Wags Awards, where we celebrate the weird and wonderful things we saw while going on adventures last year. However, unlike other award shows where you get celebrity hosts, you get us, Chuck Billy and Asa, your intrepid explorers with active imaginations! Rest assured that these awards are not your average superlatives and definitely nothing to shake a stick at!

Best Ensemble Cast: We begin our ceremony by presenting Best Ensemble to the cast of “Most Ducks in a Row.” This documentary about the influx of tour groups visiting Maine was set off the shores of Twin Lights State Park, in Cape Elizabeth, Maine.

Best Leading Actor in a Drama: And the winner is…. Mr. Snake for his portrayal of the evil villain trying to take Tongue Out Tuesday away from dogs. Accepting on his behalf is his best friend, Asa.

Best Product Placement: “America Runs on Dunkin’” and so did the Spider in this independent short, “At the Bottom of My Coffee Cup.” Fun fact: Spider is a method actor, so in preparing for this role he consumed more Dunkin’s coffee than he weighed. Spider is unable to accept his award today, because he is still running at full sprint fueled by the caffeine.

Best Costume Design: The Best Costume Design goes to Miss Lilac Bush for her playful use of flowers to create a happy smiling bunny. This photo proves she is hoppy and she knows it!

Best Leading Actresses in a Drama: For their sheer grit and determination for overcoming insurmountable odds in “Bloom Where You Are Planted,” these Wildflowers along the rocky shores of Rogers Park in Kittery, Maine, win Best Leading Actresses in a Drama.

Best Documentary: Also set at Rogers Park is this tree’s thought provoking recreation of Edvard Munch’s iconic painting, “The Scream.” According to the director, the agonized face is a commentary on the anxiety of the tree condition with its infinite scream into the forest.

Best Actor in a Comedy: Congratulations to Mr. Eyeballs for his lovable portrayal of a goofy tree, and less than brave participant in the action adventure “Brave Boat Headwaters” set in Kittery, Maine.

Best Set Design: We’ve come across a lot of Fairy houses during our travels. However this is the first time we’ve seen a McDonald’s restaurant that perfectly blended into the neighborhood, as evident in the wooden arches featured in “Brave Boat Headwaters.”

Best Crime Drama: However, spoiler alert! “Brave Boat Headwaters” is not a lighthearted romp into the world of Fairy fast food, there is also a sinister Fairy Prison! No wonder our Best Actor in a Comedy is so frightened, what could be lurking behind those twigs?

Best Spoken Word Performance: The Town of Salisbury wins for best poetic poop reminder for their sign along the Old Eastern Marsh Trail in Salisbury, Massachusetts.

Best Comedy: And the winner of Best Comedy is “Swim at Your Own Risk.” One would assume this lifeguard warning placed next to a marsh is probably referring to the beach on the opposite side of the path at Fort Foster, in Kittery, Maine. Or does it? Hilarity ensues in this comedy of errors.

Congratulations to all of our winners! Thus concludes the 2023 Golden Tail Wags Awards! You’re all welcome to join us for the after party at the top of Klondike Mountain. Special bark out to our caterers, Klondike Bars Ice Cream Sandwiches.