Today is World UFO Day! A day dedicated to bring awareness about this phenomenon, and to encourage everyone to scan the skies for unidentified flying objects. So as I continue to review my findings from my recent research trip to find UFOs, ghosts, and Bigfoot in the Berkshires of Massachusetts, I’d like to share how I became a renowned Dog Ufologist. I must begin by giving credit to my older brother Lemmy. In 2008 he wrote the following email to his Momma Butter detailing his own UFO encounter:
April 22, 2008
Dear Momma Butter,
You know I’m not one to embellish stories or make things up, so please keep an open mind. I was abducted by aliens! That’s the only logical explanation of what happened to me. Today started out ordinary enough, I had my morning walk; the only difference was Mom and Dad forgot to feed me breakfast. But no worries, because next I went to visit my friend Dr. Brion at the Animal Hospital.
Now bear with me, things get kind of foggy from here. I did what I always do with the vet’s office. I went out back to get weighed, and then I remember a bright light and being on a table, and then next thing I know I woke up in a kennel in a different room, and noticed that something awful had happened to me! I can’t bring myself to tell you what, but let’s just say don’t be counting on me to make you a grandmother.
This has all the telltale signs of an alien abduction – unexplained lights, missing time, and bizarre medical experiments. Oh, and I’m pretty sure they left a microchip between my shoulder blades!
Adding insult to injury, while spring cleaning Mom seems to have mistaken me for a lamp, and I’m now being forced to wear a lampshade. I know I’m not my usual active self right now, but come on! Haven’t they noticed nothing happens when they hit the light switch?!
I’m really tired now, so I’m going to take a nap. I haven’t figured out how I’m going to tell my parents yet, especially Dad. Please tell my brothers and Hudson to watch the sky and beware!
Love, Lemmy
My Dearest Lemmy,
It has been confirmed by both Charles Osgood and Brian Williams on the nightly news that alien ships have been spotted over the continental United States. Were you in Phoenix last evening, perhaps for a photo shoot?
Katie Couric on CBS, not to be outdone, I understand observed spacecraft as well. I think that as a result you should contact the networks and offer to sell photographs of what occurred today to the highest bidder. You might also consider contacting Fox Mulder of the X-Files.
From this misfortune we can all learn that perhaps there is a silver lining to almost every tragedy. Your dear great uncle Peach also had a similar misfortune but in his day he attributed it to a nasty fall on a frozen walkway. I have notified all my sons but not your father, Shamis, to be on the watch for aliens. As we speak Hudson, Thor and Lyon are guarding the door and plan to rotate sentinel duty until the crisis has passed and the government can marshal its forces to protect us. Life as we know it is at stake.
No one knows what will happen next in these troubling times. Homeland Security must broaden the scope of its charter to include innocent Goldens from similar harm. I hope that you are soon recovered and that your Mom and Dad start keeping closer watch.
Love, Momma Butter
This day had a profound effect on Lemmy, and he spoke of it often when I was a mere puppy. At the time, I thought my big brother was being overly dramatic, especially when I almost spent my first Christmas in his UFO bunker awaiting the Mayan Apocalypse in 2012. But then it happened to me!
A routine trip to see Dr. Doug at the animal hospital, resulted in my own UFO abduction. I experienced everything Lemmy told me about – missing time, strange medical procedure, and an unexplained implant between my shoulder blades. That day I became a believer, and have been on a quest for answers about UFOs ever since!
