On Friday I thought I was so clever to arrange for a substitute guard dog.  However after a weekend of tail wagging fun exploring new places, I returned to discover the unfortunate consequences of my reckless behavior.  Due to a series of unforeseen events I learned an important lesson – I’m irreplaceable!  I never should have trusted a substitute to protect my kingdom.

While I enjoyed my time off from work, my substitute guard dog, Chuck Asa, allowed my grill to be turned into a condo for squatters!  After not using the grill for a couple days, Dad turned it on yesterday and was immediately greeted by the smell of something burning.  Right under Chuck Asa’s shiny black nose, field mice built a nest in our grill!  Not only that, but upon closer inspection Dad also found the early stages of a wasp nest on one side of the grill AND a toad took up residence under it!  Luckily this event did not turn tragic.  The mice and Mr. Toad safely fled the flames, and no one got stung by the displaced wasps.  Also I did not find any causalities in the burnt nest.  But what I did find is they made it using some of Chuck Asa’s fur!  How insulting!  What was Chuck Asa doing that he didn’t notice mice stealing his fur?  The slacker!

But even more disturbing, under Chuck Asa’s vacant stare someone stole the pavement to our road!  It was all there when we did our last neighborhood patrol early Friday morning.  But yesterday I was horrified to see it was all torn up and replaced with dirt!  Why didn’t my substitute guard dog stop this wanton act of vandalism?  Perhaps I should have been clearer with him on his duties?  Even more confusing, why did the vandals destroy the road, but leave a polite sign warning drivers?  It is as if they are mocking Chuck Asa’s lack of observation!

I sincerely apologize to Inky, Butters, the woodland critters, and all my neighbors for letting you down.  If I were here no one would have risked their life building a nest in the grill nor would our pavement be missing.  I promise that from now on I will not let my own careless whims prevent me from doing the job I was meant to do.  Now if you please excuse me, I need to inform Chuck Asa that his services are no longer needed.  After that I must divide my time barking at the grill to prevent anymore squatters from living there, followed by barking to warn drivers about the dirt road.  My work is endless.  But I guess on the bright side, being irreplaceable gives me good job security.