Honored and distinguished guests, welcome to a special edition of the Golden Tail Wags Awards! Today we will be awarding posthumously to Chuck Billy a Lifetime Achievement Award in Dog Ufology! For those unfamiliar with the Golden Tail Wags Awards, it is our annual ceremony recognizing the weird and wonderful things we’ve seen on our adventures. This year I’ve added this special award show for Angel Chuck Billy as I count down the days to what would have been his 13th birthday on Thursday, January 30th. So please make yourself comfortable, grab your tinfoil hat, and join me in honoring my brother’s ground breaking work in UFO research!
Chuck Billy’s was introduced to Ufology while waiting in a UFO bunker in an undisclosed location, during the Mayan Apocalypse in 2012. Our brother Lemmy was somewhat of a doomsday prepper, who firmly believed that the Mayan prophecy was correct and that UFOs would be invading Earth on December 21, 2012. While they waited, Lemmy told Chuck Billy about his own UFO abduction while at the animal hospital, and warned that it could someday happen to him.
In his memoir, “My Meteoric Rise to Fame,” Chuck Billy readily admitted that as an 11 month old puppy, he didn’t believe what Lemmy was telling him, especially since nothing happened during the Mayan Apocalypse. So he promptly forgot about those tales, until when a little over a year later, Chuck Billy experienced his own UFO abduction at the animal hospital! It all had the telltale signs of an alien encounter: bright light, missing period of time, waking up to find a medical procedure had been conducted on him, and there even was a microchip implanted between his shoulder blades! It was then Chuck Billy’s first theory as a dog ufologist developed: that the cone of shame was an extraterrestrial listening device!
Disturbed by what happened, Chuck Billy spent many hours with Lemmy watching Ancient Aliens, and other documentaries to learn all they could about this phenomenon. However, after Lemmy crossed Rainbow Bridge, Chuck Billy’s heart just wasn’t in it without his brother, and he abandoned his research. That is until my arrival in 2015, when out on a hike Chuck Billy noticed a purple laser beam pointed at him in a photo. It was then that he realized that he may forgotten about UFOs, but they hadn’t forgotten about him!
His earliest theories involved UFOs using meteor showers and other “natural” phenomenons to disguise their spaceships as they traveled to Maine for vacation. Oh sure the “experts” dismissed his findings, but he knew the truth – that even intergalactic travelers can’t resist the lure of Maine! As his work continued, Chuck Billy soon began making connections between extraterrestrials and the unusual behavior of cats, and theorized that cats came from Mars. Yes, people scoffed at this theory too. But they stopped laughing when he discovered at a playground in Maine, cat geoglyphs that were vaguely similar to the mysterious Nazca Lines in Peru. He later expanded his Martian theory to include squirrels, as another invasive species, but wasn’t sure which planet they originated.
However, his truly life changing theory came to light between 2018 and 2023 when proved that a portal exists in our kitchen where such common household items such as keys and dog nail clippers can randomly appear and disappear. Sadly though, as with most Ufologists, traditional scientists scoffed at his theories, resulting in Chuck Billy having to hire a Guinea Pig lawyer to defend himself when said dog nail clippers initially disappeared. He was later exonerated of those charges when the clippers reappeared in 2021 via picnic basket.
This wasn’t the only slight the renowned Dog Ufologist faced during his 12 years of investigations. Despite his best efforts, he was never invited to present at the Exeter UFO Festival. However, while in attendance in 2019, he was interviewed for a podcast about his research into Delsey, who was Betty and Barney Hill’s dog that was with them when their well documented UFO abduction took place in New Hampshire.
Fueled by the interest in that interview, Chuck Billy found even more evidence further proving his theories, while adding new ones. It was while preparing for the solar eclipse in April 2024, that his mentor, Giorgio Tsoukalos, did finally travel to New England for a possible meeting, as part of their Ancient Aliens Live tour. However, Chuck Billy was too preoccupied to meet with him, due to his insistence on getting Lemmy’s original UFO bunker from the Mayan Apocalypse ready for the possible UFO invasion of extraterrestrial tourists during the total solar eclipse over Maine.
Although Chuck Billy left on the grandest adventure over Rainbow Bridge on December 12, 2024, his research will continue thanks to the dogs and cats across this planet that he inspired. Therefore accepting on his behalf the Golden Tail Wags Awards for Chuck Billy’s Lifetime Achievement in Dog Ufology, are those dedicated friends pictured here in their loving tribute #TinHatsforCB, and the many others who believe that the truth is way out there!
Thank you Chuck Billy for taking all of us, especially me, along with you, on this quest for answers!
