Dear Mother Nature, I am applying to be your new Snowmaking Engineer and Distribution Manager. As we both know, snowmaking is an intricate process that combines science and art, skill and imagination. Well look no further! I’m the right canine candidate for the job! As you will see by my resume, I have extensive experience with snow, ranging from walks in adverse weather conditions, to artistic snow angel making skills, to supervising snow redistribution by my staff. I am very reliable, and promise to keep my crew on a strict schedule and meet all deadlines, producing excellent quality snow at an efficient output.

I’m also a team builder. With my social media connections I can round up helpers from around the world to enact my snow distribution plan. In fact, I am highly motivated and confident in my team that I am willing to combat global warming by making it snow in places it has never snowed before!

My superior dog math skills will elevate snow levels to new heights! For example according to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration it takes 1 inch of rain to make approximately 13 inches of snow. Multiply that by the dog standard of 7, and that would equal 91 inches of snow, or 7 feet of snow. So if we take the predicted 2 inches of rain being delivered to Maine today, under my watch that would equal 182 inches of snow or 15 feet of snow. That would be more than adequate to guarantee a white Christmas for everyone while providing a good base for winter fun.

Although I have never actually worked with any snowmaking equipment, I have been told that I am the canine MacGyver and can solve any problem. Yet throughout this process I guarantee my own personal safety will be of the utmost concern. As an added bonus, my charming personality will prove invaluable with customer relations.

Please note that my references are out of this world, and are far above any other applicants.

I look forward to working with you this winter.

Sincerely, Chuck Billy