This weekend humans will be flocking to movie theaters to learn more about The Secret Life of Pets. Normally Asa and I like to keep our private life…well private. But since Max and the other stars of this movie felt it was ok to break the unwritten rule that dogs don’t reveal their secret lives, I guess it is ok for me to talk about what we do when not running our social media empire or training Mom and Dad.
Asa likes to spend his downtime listening to heavy metal music, while Snapchatting with his buddy Thurston, a French Bulldog. If you’re old enough to remember Beavis and Butt-Head, their conversations are very similar except with a lot of cat jokes. I, on the other hand, occupy my time with more intellectual pursuits. Mostly I read nineteenth century literature. I’m currently re-reading Nathaniel Hawthorne’s The House of the Seven Gables. Although this novel predates the first Golden Retriever ever bred at Guisachan, I’m almost positive that if Hawthorne rewrote it today the character of Phoebe Pyncheon would be played by a Golden, based on her sunny disposition. But I’ll spare you my literary interpretation.
Asa’s Rebuttal: Nineteenth century literature? Seriously?! Chuck Billy is no Charles William! He spends his day binge watching UFO conspiracy documentaries and searching the internet for reports of recent sightings! Reading literature…HA! Bro, if you’re going to make something up, at least make it sound realistic! By the way, what’s the first thing a cat does in the morning? It wakes up! What’s the second thing a cat does after it wakes up? Goes back to sleep! Cats, they’re so funny!
