I will conclude Asa’s tutorial on the pitfalls of Christmas, with the ultimate obstacle all dogs must overcome – Santa.  For 364 days a year it is required that we protect our home from intruders.  Especially those who appear in the middle of the night after everyone has gone to bed.  But one night a year, on December 24, under no circumstances are you to defend our family’s safety from Santa; despite the fact that he will come sneaking in unannounced with a large bag and eat our cookies!  Now I know what you are thinking.  This goes against everything I’ve taught you this year on stranger danger.  But you must indeed overcome your instinct to protect the family, and instead remember your lessons on the polite greeting of strangers.

However as with everything else associated with Christmas, once again there is a catch.  You must distinguish between whether the intruder is indeed Santa, or instead a burglar.  It is crucial that you don’t confuse the two, because otherwise you could be in some serious trouble with Mom and Dad, not to mention forever on the naughty list.  Trust me, I speak from experience here.  The best way to recognize Santa is that he has an aversion to using doors, and will most likely descend down the chimney or simply magically appear in the living room.  Burglars tend to use doors and windows.  Another valuable clue is Santa cannot resist cookies, and will sample a few that we left out.  Burglars definitely don’t pause for a cookie break.  Also as with Elves, Santa is a snappy dresser.  He will be wearing a gaudy red suit that would look ridiculous if anyone else tried to wear it, but somehow it works for him.  Finally, the biggest indicator is Santa will leave presents NOT take the presents under the tree.  Nor will Santa remove our TV.  Burglars will absolutely leave with something.  Oh and I almost forgot, Santa inexplicably smells like peppermint.

Now another thing to remember is although Santa is a really nice guy, no matter how excited you are to see him you must not delay him from his work.  Santa has only one night to deliver squeaky toys to all good dogs around the world.  Let’s face it, even Santa can’t resist the adorableness of Goldens.  So it is our responsibility to not let him get distracted and make sure he remains focused on his mission.  The happiness of dogs everywhere depend on it!  So no begging for belly rubs, no bringing him balls to play fetch, and despite your excitement at meeting a celebrity – absolutely no jumping!  There is a good possibility that one indiscretion could land you on the naughty list!

This concludes my lessons on the Ultimate Puppy Challenge.  As promised I will guide you through the Christmas Season helping you to avoid the lure of Christmas trees, and reminding you that Elves are watching your every move.  All I ask from you little brother, is that you help me with the biggest obstacle of all – Santa.  Let’s just say I’m on Santa’s naughty list due to past indiscretions.