Dear Santa, It’s me Asa. It is with deep regret that I must request you remove me from your Nice List. I’m sorry, but after an 8 year spotless record I cracked under Christmas pressure. It happened on Saturday when I headed upstairs to find a sock. Oh that wasn’t the misstep. I always carry socks around, and leave them on the windowsills where Mom and Dad can find them. But while in the bedroom I found something more intriguing, the empty box from Mom’s new winter boots.
The next thing I know I’m shredding the tissue paper inserts! I haven’t shredded anything without permission since my very early days here as a puppy. Yet there I was ripping to my heart’s delight! Perhaps it was because the tissue paper reminded me of wrapping paper, and that soon I’d be unwrapping presents underneath the tree? Or maybe I was too full of bravado, confident that my place on the Nice List was secure? Either way that is no excuse for my actions.
As soon as I realized what I was doing, I immediately fled the room and hid under the desk in Dad’s office, nervously awaiting my fate. It was hours before the crime scene was discovered by Mom. At first she assumed this act of vandalism was done by Chuck Billy. After all, he is the stress eater, and the Holidays sure can be stressful what with his paranoia about spying cats and elves.
When Mom called us into the room for interrogation, could I have acted natural and let Chuck Billy take the blame? Probably. But that would be against your code of ethics, Santa. So as Chuck Billy ran into the room, I stayed behind in the hallway. That’s how Mom knew it was me. Well that, and the surprised look on Chuck Billy’s face when he saw the mess. He’s a good actor, but not that good! Clearly he was innocent.
But what did Mom do when my crime was revealed? She hugged me, and told me it was ok! That everyone is entitled to a momentary lapse in judgement, especially around the Holidays. That made me feel even worse! Even Dad just laughed when Mom showed him what I did. So since they won’t report me, I feel it is my obligation to remove myself from your Nice List.
Hopefully still your little buddy, Asa
Editor’s Note from Chuck Billy: Only a good boy would even consider reporting to Santa that he wasn’t a good boy, so I think Asa’s status on the Nice list is safe. Besides, I’ve done far worse, and yet Santa still brings me gifts every year. So I’m sure he’ll let this slide. Regardless, it is nice to know Asa has a naughty side!
