Warning: The following article is for DOGS ONLY.  Humans, please keep scrolling.

Asa and I would like to share with our fellow dogs our important breakthrough in cracking the human language secret code.  As you all know there are certain words that no matter what the language all dogs recognize.  These include but are not limited to: Breakfast, Dinner, Treat, Toy, Walk, Car Ride.  But did you know that certain phrases humans use can also mean the same thing?  For years the phrase, “I’d like to place an order for pickup” has fallen on deaf ears in our household.  Not containing any key words, Asa and I would ignore it when said.  However, after months of carefully watching the actions of Mom and Dad, we realize that “I’d like to place an order for pickup” is secret code for Car Ride and Dinner.

As with Car Ride and Dinner, there are certain physical actions associated with these words.  When it is time for a Car Ride, Dad often grabs his keys before inviting us to join him.  At Dinner time, Mom fills our bowls then says those magic words.  In both cases, based on their actions we are already prepared to react before the words are spoken.  When it is “I’d like to place an order for pickup” time, Mom is often holding her tablet and Dad has his phone.  Now before you get too excited if you just glanced over and noticed your humans doing those exact same things, we need to warn you.  Those actions alone are not always indicative of the phrase.  In order to enhance the likelihood that the phrase “I’d like to place an order for pickup” is about to be used, it needs to be around the time when humans’ tend to eat.  Otherwise you run the risk of having your hopes crushed realizing that Mom is just checking your Twitter account and Dad is calling a client.  So you need to listen carefully for other key words often said around their mealtimes.  In our house it goes something like this: “Blah, blah, blah, Thai Food, blah, Pizza, blah?”  Followed by intense scrolling and more discussion.  If you do not hear them mention their favorite foods, chances are they are not going to make a phone call and say their secret phrase for Car Ride.

However with patience and keen observation, those words “I’d like to place an order for pickup” will inevitably be said at some point during the course of the week.  This is why you must be alert and ready!  Upon hearing that phrase, time is of the essence.  You must immediately jump up and stand at the door!  It saddens me to think of all the times that we missed out on a Car Ride because we did not react in time.  But never again!  Now upon hearing that phrase we immediately queue up at the door, blocking their way out so they must take us with them on this Car Ride!  This ride is usually short, but so worth it.

Now if you have humans who understand sharing, this phrase may not only mean you get a Car Ride, but they might even share with you this food they worked so hard to hunt and gather.  In our case, Mom and Dad aren’t so considerate.  But sometimes “I’d like to place an order for pickup” includes swinging by the bank, where we are given treats by the people who work there.  But even if that doesn’t happen, and they don’t share their food, just going on a Car Ride is fun enough.  It boggles the mind why we haven’t figured out this secret code sooner.  However, we are now more determined than ever to break the human language code.