Dear Mother Nature, I am writing to you in regards to delivery issues with my recent orders for snow. On Saturday, January 2, 2021 I received your shipment of slush. As you can see in your records, I requested pure snow. Not that snow and rain slush you sent me, which I might add has since frozen over. What am I suppose to do with that mess? This is not the “Winter Wonderland” package that I ordered.

Then after tracking a delivery for 3 to 6 inches of snow for yesterday, Tuesday, January 5, 2021, you substituted my order with a few inferior flurries instead. Now I do realize in light of bigger requests in other areas of the country, snow may be in short supply. However these flurries are an unacceptable substitution!

Finally and most troubling, I have been notified that my third order for snow, which was expected to be delivered this upcoming Saturday, January 9, 2021, has been diverted and shipped out to sea instead!

This leaves me with no choice but to cancel that shipment, and resubmit my original request for a large order of your finest fluffy snow. Please deliver at your earliest convenience.

Sincerely, Chuck Billy