As you all know, Asa is obsessed with Christmas. So although it makes no sense to me, to be celebrating it on July 25th, Asa has somehow been convinced by the marketing team on the Hallmark Channel that Christmas in July is a legit holiday. Therefore, he insisted that today we share his July parody of Clement Clarke Moore’s “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas.” Wait until you read who Asa imagines is delivering the gifts…

‘Twas seven months after Christmas, on the twenty-fifth day,
A Golden was determined to celebrate anyways;
The cards were still hung in the hallway with care,
With smiles from friends who live far away and near;
The doggies were panting from the summer heat,
With one hoping that soon St. Nicholas he’d meet;
And Mamma with her AC, and Dad with a fan,
Were trying to stay cool as best as they can,
When out in the driveway there arose a truck clatter,
The dogs sprang to their paws to see what was the matter.
Away at the window one started to bark,
Not the cheery greeting like they do on Hallmark.
The haze of the sun on the brown, wilted lawn
Gave no doubt that summer continued to drag on,
When, what to their wondering eyes should appear,
But a delivery man with gifts of things they held dear,
With a wave and a smile, so lively and quick,
They knew in a moment it’s an Elf sent from St. Nick!
More rapid than Beagles the boxes they came,
And he pointed and laughed as he called each by name;
“New, chew toys! new, stuffies! new, bacon ball squeakers!
And dog bowls! and dog beds! and dog treats and leashes!
Stacked on top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now open them, open them, open them all!”
As dog fur from shedding started to fly,
They knew these were the best gifts no money could buy;
So down to the front porch the Goldens they flew,
With thoughts of Christmas, they forgot it was summer too.
The Elf spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And ignored one dog’s barking, who’s a bit of a jerk,
And stacking the boxes as high as his nose,
He worked up a sweat as the gift pile rose;
He sprang into his truck, to the Goldens did whistle,
And away the dogs flew with this sign of dismissal,
But they heard him exclaim, ere he drove down the street,
“Happy Christmas in July, and enjoy all your treats!”