Asa here. As an up and coming rock star, I had a taste of what the lifestyle really entails, and I’m not sure I like it. Oh don’t get me wrong, I love writing my parodies! But it’s partying like a rock star that doesn’t agree with me. You see last Thursday I visited my new friends at the animal hospital to have an angry abscess and a crazy big fatty cyst removed. However, my old vet was so excited to introduce me to his new friends there, that they threw me a party. Or at least I think that is what happened. To be honest, the details are all kind of fuzzy. What I do remember is Mom and Dad dropping me off at the animal hospital, but after that it is all a blank until I was home again. And what an entrance I made!
I came staggering into my house like a rock star on a bender! How does Mick Jagger and the boys do this on a regular basis for over 60 years? Mom said it was because the anesthesia was wearing off from my surgery. I was really out of it, that I may have accidentally sat in my own waste before Dad could pick it up. Thankfully, Mom cleaned me up quickly before the paparazzi could get any photos of that awkward accident. I don’t want photos like the ones of Ozzy Osbourne in his wild days coming back to haunt me!
By bedtime I don’t know what came over me, but I started having a pity party making uncontrollable sad, little whimpering and squeaking noises. Oh they really pulled at the heartstrings! I thought perhaps I could use this to write a tear jerking, emotional album, one that would rival even Adele’s saddest songs of heartache and triumph. But my brain was so muddled, that my words were as wobbly as my legs. I gave it a good try though, until I eventually drifted off to sleep early Friday morning.
And sleep I did! Apparently I slept through all of Friday! I recall Mom waking me to eat breakfast first before Chuck Billy. Oddly enough he didn’t mind, which really made me feel like a VIP. But what I don’t recall is how the furnace broke. Mom assures me, I didn’t break it, like how Motley Crue use to trash hotel rooms on tour. But whatever happened it took two visits from two repair people to get the heat back on here by Saturday afternoon. I hope they don’t mind that I slept through the first visit during the day on Friday. I usually love to meet adoring fans, but not this time.
Friday night we still didn’t have heat, but that didn’t bother me. I woke up refreshed from my long nap, and ready to party again! Just like what the band Slaughter use to sing in their 1990 hit “Up all Night, Sleep All Day,”
“When evenin’ comes
I am alive
I love to prowl around in the streets
It’s the moonlight
That controls my mind
Now I’ve got the power to speak, yeah…”
Except for me I was prowling in the living room and the kitchen, because Mom and Dad didn’t want me doing stairs to go up to my bedroom, and Dr. Doug didn’t give me the ok to take long neighborhood walks yet. Thankfully though, Mom stayed to keep me company, and made the couch up like a bed. But I wasn’t about to let her sleep! Because just like in the song, the full Beaver Moon was controlling my mind! So all night long I repeatedly asked her to take me outside. I didn’t really need to go out, but the cold night air was invigorating! No wonder so many rock stars prefer outside stadium concerts over intimate club shows.
Anyways, by Saturday morning, I crashed again. But this time around my family had a different plan for me. Inspired by Kiss’ “Rock and Roll All Night, Party Every Day,” they would only let me take short naps before waking me to hang out with them. This must be how it feels like for Dave Grohl, who after performing a big show with the Foo Fighters, has to get up the next morning and do interviews for tv and podcasts.
I’m happy to say though, my tour manager, Chuck Billy’s plan worked. And by Sunday morning, I awoke at my usual 4 AM time, refreshed and feeling like myself again! Lesson learned that as an up and coming rock star, I’m going to stick with Jon Bon Jovi’s example of living a healthy lifestyle, and not partying at all hours. I also promise when I return on Wednesday, November 27th to get my stitches out, I’ll politely tell my new friends at the animal hospital to keep the celebration low key. I have a reputation as a family friendly rock star to keep!
