Staying alert on neighborhood patrol has taken on heightened importance in recent weeks. In the past, Asa and I only had to worry about protecting Mom and Dad from mischievous squirrels, trespassing deer, and the occasional ne’er-do-well coyote. However now there is a whole new creature we must be constantly be vigilant for and avoid at all times – neighbors! Oh sure the neighbors may look harmless, but hidden among them could be lurking a virus even more troubling than that zombie one. Therefore we must not let Mom and Dad go anywhere near them! This may sound simple enough, but as each day passes it gets more and more difficult.
It all started a few weeks ago, when Asa and I had to stop letting the little humans pet and hug us. I can’t blame the children for being attracted to our magnetic personalities, but we must protect Mom and Dad from that virus that is lurking. So with a swoosh of the tail, we’d keep right on walking rather than stopping to greet our little friends. This goes against our Golden rule, and makes our tails droop, but in these uncertain times it is mandatory. Not only to keep our Mom and Dad safe, but to keep the little humans and their families safe too.
Normally on our walks it was rare that we saw our neighbors, with the exception of a few fellow dog walkers and kids out playing. However, now our once quiet street can be filled with packs of them walking aimlessly up and down the road at all hours of the day. This makes our patrol difficult as we guide Mom and Dad to keep a safe distance from them. At first we were using a zig zag approach, repeatedly crossing from one side to the other to avoid all neighbors. That is until I realized vehicle traffic has noticeably decreased. I know this goes against everything we trained Mom and Dad, but for their safety we will occasionally walk them straight down the middle of the road to avoid these dazed and wandering people on the sides of the street and in their yards.
While doing so I have to repeatedly remind Asa we’re not in a parade. Although I can understand his confusion with all the humans lining the street and waving at us as we pass. But whatever we do, we can’t make eye contact! For some people barking “hello” from six feet away is not acceptable. They are what some call close talkers, and will approach if eye contact is made! These are our most difficult neighbors to avoid. Because again we understand they cannot help but be drawn in by our magnetic personalities. Why are we cursed with such good looks? But Asa and I must forge ahead with Mom and Dad on their leashes.
Then there are the neighborhood dogs, who aren’t as well prepared for this situation as us. Although dogs do not carry the virus, their humans do. And when there’s an off-leash dog, their human is sure to follow! Recently we found ourselves approached by an off-leash pup. Luckily Mom and Dad remembered their training, and stayed calm. However, Sawyer did not remember his training. His human tried in vain to call him back to the yard, while apologizing that he did not want to come near Mom and Dad. As usual Asa ignored the seriousness of the situation, and played with his buddy. Meanwhile Dad and I quickly formulated a plan. My Dad told Sawyer’s father that we would head home, and if the dog followed, he would gate him in our yard. Then the man could retrieve him once we were inside. Our plan worked perfectly! The dog patiently waited in our backyard playing with our ball, until moments later his human appeared, leash in hand, to get him. By the way Sawyer, if you could return our ball, that would be appreciated!
Even our backyard patrol has become more problematic. For years it was rare to encounter any other dogs or people on the trails in the woods that abut our property. Yet now on our trail walks we’ve encountered folks and pups we have never seen in our woods before. They are confused too! It’s become rather common for us to be playing fetch in the backyard and have a strange human suddenly appear out of the woods and into our yard. Most will just smile, wave, and turn back into the woods. Some will ask directions from a distance. Once a group of little humans kept right on walking through our yard and onto the street. They are more brazen than those trespassing squirrels, but Asa and I resisted the urge to chase them!
Thankfully for Mom and Dad, Asa and I have been preparing for years for the zombie apocalypse. Therefore, we are ready for this new approach to neighborhood patrol. Also I must admit, I’m glad unlike real zombies, these humans are friendly and show no signs of wanting to eat our brains. But then again, maybe that makes them a bigger threat? They seem very approachable! Stay safe my friends! Remember the importance of social distancing to protect your loved ones! And stay home if you see packs of wandering humans in groups crowding your neighborhood streets! It may require adjusting your neighborhood patrol to odd hours. Remember we’re all in this together and need to do our part to keep our humans safe.
