Thank you to everyone who asked how I’ve been holding up since my brother Chuck Billy crossed Rainbow Bridge. We all have droopy tails, especially Mom and Dad if they actually had tails. So I’ve been filling my time taking care of them. But how? I’m not use to being in charge of things. So I ask myself, “What would Chuck Billy do?”
Chuck Billy would want to keep us on schedule. So on the evening that he passed I politely reminded Mom and Dad that it was dinner time. Chuck Billy was always reminding them it was dinner time, well before it was actually dinner time. But I waited until 4:45, and quietly stood near where our bowls are kept. However, it just didn’t seem right to ask them for anything, what with them feeling so sad. Besides, they’ve never forgot to feed me. So asking that was a one time thing. I’ll leave it up to their discretion on what time to feed me.
Chuck Billy would also want to make sure neighborhood patrol continued. But timing has never been my thing. I may have overdone it the first few days with way more walks than we ever took, even during the lockdown. Mom and Dad have been hyper focused on this too, because a few times I merely wandered in the general vicinity of the backdoor, and I was greeted with a happy, “Do you want to go for a walk?” I didn’t. But how could I say no? They look happier when in motion, and Chuck Billy would approve of continuing to keep a watch on our neighbors. Although it made my tail droop to hear Mom telling Chuck Billy’s favorite neighbor, that he is no longer with us. He use to wait at her driveway for her to walk with us some afternoons. Sometimes she would take his leash and head out for a stroll, even when she wasn’t planning to take a walk. Chuck Billy was hard to say no to. She can take my leash though whenever she wants!
Chuck Billy loved car rides and would want us to get out of the house in search of adventures! Who doesn’t like a car ride? Mom and Dad don’t, that’s who! That was an epic fail in that there’s no place in a far reaching radius that we haven’t been to with Chuck Billy. So as we headed to his favorite beach, each place we drove past brought more tears. The walk on the beach though did bring us some comfort, but not to other visitors. My apologies to the family who asked to pet me, only to look up and see Mom and Dad crying on the other end of my leash. That family looked sad when they walked away. I hope we didn’t ruin their beach romp. However, we do hope we brought some small comfort to the Mom of a small dog named Lola. She was taking Lola for her last walk on the beach before crossing The Bridge. Following the sad incident with that other family, Mom and Dad tried to keep brave faces, and I flashed my biggest smile as we passed her carrying her 20 year old pup. Not sure what in her grief made her stop to talk to us, but she did, and we all shared a good cry, knowing we are not alone on this journey. I’m sure Chuck Billy will be there to welcome Lola, as they chat about their favorite beach, and he shows her the new beaches he found.
Chuck Billy would also want me to supervise them at work. This I feel like I’m doing well. Rather than my usual spot daydreaming looking out the window, I sit right next to Dad so he can pet me while he works. Although it doesn’t seem like he’s too focused on work these days. Then if I hear Mom trying to stifle her sniffles while reading the condolences on social media, I army crawl under the desks to lay at her feet. Both of these actions are meeting with positive results, and the occasional laugh. I may have fell asleep leaning against Dad’s chair and pushed him away from his desk, and on one trip crawling under the desk I got tangled in the cord for Mom’s keyboard and unplugged it. In the past Chuck Billy would have added another reprimand letter to my HR file for these office infractions, but they just laughed and hugged me.
This got me thinking, perhaps I shouldn’t try to be like Chuck Billy? Chuck Billy would be the first to tell you there isn’t anyone like him. Therefore, I should do what I do best, be me! Who’s better at cuddling and consoling than me? So I have been extra cuddly and clingy! I’ve been spending the days taking turns sitting by Mom and Dad’s side, based on who needed me most at any given moment. I’ve also been following them around the house at all hours day and night. Because let’s face it, I’ve always been a light sleeper, so I’m the perfect company for late night chats and early morning cries.
I even moved my dog bed into their bedroom for when we do sleep. Alright, I admit that was as much for me as it was for them. As much as I liked the bedroom Chuck Billy and I shared, I don’t want to be alone. In the evenings we’ve been cuddling as a pack on the dog beds in the living room too. Chuck Billy never liked it when I laid on his spot, so I let Mom sit there, with me in the middle, and Dad on the other side. Again I’m being a little self-serving here, because it was my routine to cuddle with Chuck Billy and drift off to sleep while we watched tv. Oh how I annoyed Chuck Billy when I would start tap dancing in dreamland, and accidentally kick him. For some reason, Mom and Dad don’t mind being kicked. In fact it makes them laugh.
Speaking of laughs, I’ve been really amping up the goofy too! Sometimes I go get a favorite toy and will squeak it in the night to make them smile. Or I try to be helpful by bringing every sock and shoe I can find in the house into the office while they work. Other times I do something silly on a walk, like start prancing for no reason, to get Mom to skip along with me. Anything to get them to be happy, and be in the moment. It’s a lot of work, but I don’t mind. It keeps my tail from drooping.
Am I sad? Absolutely! I miss my big brother, and would do anything to have Chuck Billy home. But I instinctively know Mom and Dad’s hearts couldn’t take seeing me sad. However there are times when I don’t think they are looking, that I get optimistic and hope that Chuck Billy is back. For example in the morning I run downstairs ahead of Mom to search for him. I do it when we come home from going places too. One never knows if he changed his mind and decided to return from The Bridge. He hasn’t. But I’ll keep looking awhile longer. I also will occasionally lay down in his favorite spots around the house and sniff, then roll on it, trying to capture his scent.
Speaking of scent, I do have one big problem though since Chuck Billy left us. I don’t know where to go to the bathroom! Ever since I was a puppy I’ve always sniffed where he went and go there. Oh how that annoyed Chuck Billy on walks! Me covering his scent with mine. But sadly we’ve had two big rainstorms since Chuck Billy last went in our yard, and all those telltale scents are gone. I try to play it nonchalant with the humans out there with me, and will casually go to his usual areas and take a sniff. But sometimes I get frustrated and will race around the yard smelling everything, hoping to find that one spot from Chuck Billy. When I can’t, I just stop wherever I may be, give a sigh, and relieve myself.
Overall is this new routine something Chuck Billy would approve of? Probably not. I admit I never really paid attention to the details, and always just happily followed his lead. The schedule he worked so hard to fine tune is off kilter. However, rest assured dinner is still at 5:00 PM, even without my reminders! I just feel weird being the one who eats first, and no longer dance to my bowl like I use to after Chuck Billy finished eating. But what I lack in timing and attention to detail, I make up for with affection, and together I know my family will be alright! Now if you’ll excuse me I need to take Mom and Dad for another walk, because that’s what Chuck Billy would do!
