Oh hi Mom! I bet you’re wondering how my cone came off. Let me explain. You see while you were upstairs for fifteen minutes, a burglar broke in and tried to steal it! But I scared him away! Ok, so I see your point, that if it was a burglar why didn’t he take anything including the cone of shame after removing it from me.

Did I say burglar? I meant to say Betty White, the lovable animal rights activist and star of the Golden Girls, broke in and rescued me from that annoying cone. She just can’t bear to see a dog in distress, and wanted to help me. She’s awfully shy though, and ran off when she heard you coming downstairs. Well yes, I agree her behavior does sound irrational.

That’s because it wasn’t actually Betty White but a robot she sends out to help dogs! Yes, that’s it! The robot came in the house, took my cone off, and then left to help more dogs in distress. Betty controls a whole army of robots from the comfort of her home. Why is Asa still wearing his cone? Good question. Betty White can’t possibly help all dogs, only deserving ones. So that’s why Asa is still wearing his cone of shame.