It’s time for every Dog’s favorite game show, “Ball or Pumpkin!” The game of chance inspired by the bite marks on Mom’s fall decorations. In this challenging game of wit if you choose correctly you will win endless hours of fetch for tail wagging fun! But choose wrong and there’s no fetch for you! Are you ready to take that chance? Think you know the difference between our toys and Mom’s knickknacks?! Then it’s time to play “Ball or Pumpkin!” Note to reader: this post is best enjoyed while humming game show music in your head.
Here’s our host, Chuck Billy, and our first contestant Asa!
Welcome Asa! Tell us a little bit about yourself. “Well, Chuck Billy, I’m a Golden Retriever, living in Maine, with an older brother who is easily amused by silly games.” Interesting. Your brother sounds fascinating! You, not so much, but I’ll make it work. Now Asa, two items will be put in front of you, and you’ll need to decide which one is the ball. There will be three rounds and a bonus round, each with increasing difficulty. Ready? “Do I have a choice?” No. Now let’s play!
Oh this is too easy.
Congratulations, you got the first round correct. That is indeed a tennis ball. But how about if they are the same size? Oh, and don’t forget you’ll be disqualified if you test for squeakers. “Bring it on!”
Chuck Billy, will you please stop humming the tune from Jeopardy? I’m trying to concentrate here.
What if I add words to the Jeopardy tune? Thinking, thinking, Asa’s thinking… “Whatever. It’s this one.” Is that your final answer?
Yes, Chuck Billy, this is my final answer.
You are correct! Note to readers: please imagine thunderous applause from our live studio audience, namely Mom and Dad. We’ll pause in the excitement for a word from our sponsors…what? We have no sponsors? Well then back to the action!
I’d like to use one of my life lines, please. I would like to call a friend.
I told you it was challenging! “No, not really. I’m just getting bored.” Well sadly for you, there are no life lines. So choose wisely…dramatic pause…whether you play fetch ever again may weigh on this decision.
My heart says the bigger one would be more fun to play with, but my gut is telling me the ball is the smaller one.
Congratulations Asa! You got all three rounds correct! Now you can stop here and go outside and play fetch. Or you can gamble it all and play the bonus round. Which will it be? “Well Dad just wandered off, and Mom is scrolling through Netflix, so I guess I’ll play one more round while I wait for Dad to return.”
Wait, is this a trick? Neither one is a pumpkin.
I added suspense for our viewers. “Seriously, suspense? Viewers?! It’s only Mom and Dad, and Dad left already.” Just choose!
Fine, I choose this one.
WRONG! Asa you have lost “Ball or Pumpkin!” No fetch for you! “Wait, not fair! Neither one of us likes that red ball. You even wrote a blog post about it. I’ve been tricked!” Sorry Asa, rules are rules. Besides, Mom found something good to watch on TV. Tune in this December when we play “Ball or Ornament!” Note to reader: you can stop humming game show music now.
Nobody likes a sore loser. Now stop chewing the fuzz off the ball and wave at the camera! *sigh* W. C. Fields was right, “Never work with animals or children!”
