I’m happy to report that after being on light duty for the past two weeks, I’m back to work at neighborhood patrol! And just in the nick of time too! Dad has forgotten his training! I first noticed the problem on Thursday afternoon. After patiently sitting through a really long meeting with Dad, I finally convinced him to take me on neighborhood patrol. Ok, I admit the neighbors’ safety was the least of my concerns. After returning from getting my stitches removed that morning, I had a very big celebratory drink from my water bowl, and I really needed to go out.

Now this should have been a routine patrol shift. I leash up Dad. We take a quick walk around the neighborhood. I do my business. Then we head home. But for some reason Dad kept saying the wrong command! My usual go to the bathroom word is “spunk.” Yes, I agree it is an embarrassing word. For some reason though Lemmy liked it, and they have stuck with that command ever since. As we all know you can’t teach an old human new tricks.

Anyways, rather than say “spunk,” Dad kept saying “sit” to me. Huh? Didn’t he know I really, really, really needed to go to the bathroom? However, being the obedient dog that I am, I dutifully sat on command at his side. But did he approve? No! Instead he looked at me confused, and repeated the command, “sit!” What do you think I’m doing, Dad? I’m already sitting!

Confused, I decided to lay down. Once again Dad looked upset and said, “heel.” I immediately jumped up and walked at his side, while simultaneously wishing we’d stop so I could finally do my business. I take pride in being really good at reading body language. Dad is clearly not as observant. But when he started to slow his pace, I knew now was the time that I could…well…spunk. But did Dad say it? No! He said “sit” again!

At first I snapped into my sit. But then I realized enough is enough! I can’t wait anymore. So I politely stepped to the side of the road to do the longest restroom break in my life. That’s when Dad started to say, “Good sit,” but then realized his mistake and finally said the correct phrase of “Good spunk!” Why Dad feels the need to compliment this bodily function, I don’t know.

Anyways, Dad was very embarrassed, and apologized to me. He blamed it on being distracted by that recent meeting and started explaining to me the details of some big project. Oh Dad, you don’t need to make up excuses. I know the truth! Asa must have taught him bad habits while doing neighborhood patrol without me during my convalescence. Sadly, Asa is not like me. Rather than wait for a polite invitation, he just stops wherever he may be, whether it is in the middle of the road, on someone’s lawn, or in a discrete area where it should be done. No wonder Dad forgot the correct terminology of “spunk!”

Now wish me luck, I’m about to take Mom for her first morning patrol shift since my hiatus. I wonder what weird habits she learned from Asa during the past two weeks!