The New England Patriots are back in the Super Bowl! Now I know what you’re thinking, “Asa, you’re not normally a sports dog, why are you so excited?” You’re right! I normally don’t pay attention to sports, and my humans usually don’t watch games either. Unless Mom knows that Jon Bon Jovi is at the game, but that’s a whole different reason for watching. Anyways, the Super Bowl is the exception to the rule. Every year Mom and Dad gather like millions across the country, in front of the tv, to watch the big game while eating delicious foods. Normally they are so distracted, they make rookie mistakes while eating. Mistakes that Coach Chuck Billy turned into a winning game plan for us! So cuddle up…oops I mean huddle up, and let me share Coach Chuck Billy’s game day strategy.

The Super Bowl of Eating (February 1, 2015)

Coach Chuck Billy here. Dogs, gather around. We need to discuss our game plan for Sunday’s Super Bowl. Soon humans will be gathering in front of the television to gorge themselves on food while watching football. This day dedicated to eating is even better than Thanksgiving, because humans will be distracted and not necessarily focused on their plates. Thus making it the perfect opportunity for Team Dog to score delicious food. 

So here’s the game plan. First we need to identify the weakest members on Team Human. Who is most likely to succumb to our cuteness and give us treats. Next up, the distracted players. Those who are so focused watching the football game that they aren’t defending their plate from Team Dog. We can score some really easy touchdowns with this person. And don’t forget, unlike regular football games, the humans will also be distracted during the commercial breaks. Therefore keep your offenses up at all time! 

We also have to keep in mind the defense players on Team Human. They include aloof cat people that will avoid you for reasons other than the game, those that insist on feeding us from the veggie platter that no one likes, and the most dreaded opponent on Team Human – the people whose hands are soaked in wings’ hot sauce. At all cost we must avoid licking hot sauce hands, or we will be sidelined at the water bowl.

I’m very excited to have a rookie player on Team Dog this year. Because if all else fails, I can throw Asa into the room as my Hail Mary pass. No one can ignore a puppy, especially one seeking undivided attention with a case of the zoomies and has no sense of spacial reasoning. This leaves me wide open to pick up the food the humans fumble.  Let the game begin!