Recently I was chatting with my friends Finn and Seamus about our humans’ embarrassing habit of singing while we take them for walks. Additional dogs also joined our conversation and revealed that they too suffer from this embarrassing problem. This made me realize that I am not alone! This crime against dogmanity must end! So today I am revealing the embarrassing songs my Mom likes to sing with Asa on our walks. My hope is that it will prevent more dog walkers from this awkward behavior.*
Sometimes Mom and Asa use the correct lyrics to a song. The following cowboy song is one of their favorite to sing.
I’m up in the morning before daylight
And before I sleep the moon shines bright!
Singing ki yi yippee yappy yay
Yippee yay
Singing ki yi yippee yappy yay!
Other times they will sing a song with just a slight change to the lyrics to mock me. For example, note the insertion of my name into this song by Helloween.
I want out, to live my life alone
I want out, leave me be
I want out, to do things on my own
I want out
Because my name is Chuck Billy!
They can also be heard butchering any number of Bon Jovi songs with crude parodies. Asa even turned their 2005 hit, “Complicated,” into an ode to issues when doing one’s business.
I’m constipated, I get frustrated
Right or wrong, love or hate it
I’m constipated, I never should have ate it
Can’t debate it, I saw that leaf, and I ate it
It’s alright, it’s OK, I wouldn’t want it any other way
Momma keep on walkin’ cause I ain’t poopin’
I’m constipated!
No era is safe from their singing either. Take for for example Mom and Asa’s parody of “I’ll Be Seeing You,” from the 1940s. This version has been sung quite a few times during our daily lockdown walks.
I’ll be walking you
In all the old familiar places
That these paws of mine embraces
All day and through
In the sun and rain
The road across the way
Through everything to sniff
I’ll always be walking you.
Again my sincere apologies to anyone offended by this embarrassing behavior. Please know that I always cringe when I hear them coming up the road singing this corruption of Bon Dylan’s “Blowin’ in the Wind.”
How many times must I walk down this road
Before you do your business?
How many trees must we stop and sniff
Before you stop and pee?
The poop bag, my friend, is blowin’ in the wind
The poop bag is blownin’ in the wind.
Those lyrics don’t even make sense! However, now that their embarrassing behavior has been revealed to all the world, perhaps they and other dog walk singers, will stop? Until then may I suggest to my neighbors staying inside your homes, turning up the volume on your TVs, and keeping away from all windows between dawn and dusk to avoid hearing this embarrassing lack of dog walking professionalism.
*Living with a Golden is not responsible for any humans or dogs who decide to sing these songs now too.
