It is 6:45 PM and cold out. Yet here I stand in my backyard staring up at the night sky hoping for a glimpse of yet another out of this world phenomenon. I may be a renowned Dog Ufologist, but I never said it was easy.
It all started back in December 2012 when I spent the days leading up to my first Christmas in a UFO bunker in an undisclosed location waiting for the Mayan Apocalypse. It was then that my older brother Lemmy first sparked my curiosity in aliens and UFOs, by passing the time telling me about the research of Ancient Aliens theorists.
Yet it wasn’t until a couple years later when I experienced my own UFO abduction that I decided to dedicate my life to learning more. My experience had all the telltale signs you read about in books and see in movies: It was an ordinary day when I went to the animal hospital to visit with my veterinarian friend, and started feeling tired. Next thing I remember was a bright light and being on some sort of metal exam table. I don’t know what happened during that missing time, but hours later I woke up in a kennel with no recollection of how I got there. More troubling, there was an obvious medical procedure performed on me, and I’m pretty sure I have a microchip implanted between my shoulder blades. My quest to understand dog UFO abductions had begun.
Since then I’ve managed to protect my puppy brother Asa and I from becoming victims to UFOs pointing their strange purple laser beams at us.
Traveled to an elementary school playground in Maine to examine cat geoglyphs that are very similar to the Nazca Lines in Peru.
Been followed by strange extraterrestrials floating overhead while walking on the beach.
As well as spent countless hours in my UFO bunker protecting my family from possible UFO invasions during solar and lunar eclipses, as well as that time when hardy souls stormed Area 51 in 2019.
Yet the world isn’t ready to hear my profound theories, and I’ve been barred from going inside UFO festivals by some silly “no dogs allowed” rule.
However, there are some brave enough to hear what I have to say!
So here I stand at now 6:55 PM, in the cold, listening to Mom and Dad debate did they just see comet C/2022 E3 (ZTF) or was it a plane. But this renowned Dog Ufologist knows the truth!
