I, Chuck Billy, the renowned Dog Ufologist, have just made an out of this world connection that will forever change our perception of squirrels! Recently while watching an episode of Nature, they made an offhanded comment. A comment whose significance was probably missed by most viewers, but it immediately enhanced the focus of my research. In “Wildheart” they said that baby squirrels are called, “kittens.” KITTENS! Now it all makes sense! For centuries dogs have been tormented and annoyed by these furry trespassers. Yet we have never made the connection between squirrels and cats, who are also the bane of our existence! Clearly cats are not the only creatures from Mars, squirrels are extraterrestrials too!

I can’t believe I missed the signs of their true origin! After all the name squirrel comes from the Greek word skiouros, with skia, meaning “shadow,” and oura, meaning “tail.” Translation: they hide in the shadow of their tail. Know who else hides in the shadows? Cats! Cats, hide in the shadows and watch us dogs too. Something I have previously discussed in detail, especially with their connection to being spies for Santa. Yet it wasn’t until now that I realized cats and squirrels could be working together to take over our planet.

Need proof? In 2022 the Polish Academy of Sciences classified domestic cats as an “invasive alien species.” A quick Google search, and sure enough the eastern gray squirrel has also been labeled as one of the 100 worst invasive alien species by the International Union for Conservation of Nature (IUCN). According to the article, “Interactions between native and invasive species: A systematic review of the red squirrel-gray squirrel paradigm,” (Frontiers, March 31, 2023), “In Europe, the species has resulted in wide-scale extinction of native Eurasian red squirrels from the areas colonized by the gray squirrel. This replacement of a native by an alien competitor is one of the best documented cases of the devastating effects of biological invasions on native fauna.” So for you doomsday preppers thinking you still have time before the alien invasion begins – too late! They are already here!

Worst yet, just like cats, squirrels have somehow endeared themselves to humans. As I discussed in a 2022 post, squirrels were once popular pets. In fact by the mid-nineteenth century, squirrels had nearly been eliminated from many major cities in the United States. Did humans listen to dogs, and rejoice in their disappearance? NO! Instead humans found ways to welcome them back to their parks! In “Where Did City Squirrels Come From?” (Treehugger, October 11, 2018), Melissa Breyer explains that squirrels were welcomed as rural mascots into cities, “because they were diurnal and not utterly terrified of humans.” Well humans should be terrified of them, because this is proof that squirrels are working with Martian cats! Whereas cats tend to do their best plotting at night, squirrels take the day patrol shift to monitor human and dog activity for their sinister plot.

Now what that plot is, I don’t know. I’m still trying to figure out the “kitten” connection between squirrels and cats. But you have to ask yourself is it a coincidence that ufologists identify one species of aliens as “Grays” and that the IUCN has labeled gray squirrels as an invasive alien species? This Dog Ufologist says, “NO!” Obviously I need to do more research into the relationship between alien cats and invasive squirrels, but rest assured I’m on the case!

And yes, I am well aware that there is a squirrel behind me on the TV listening as I make this big announcement!