Dear Mom, I couldn’t help but notice the UPS guy delivered the Halloween costume that you picked out for me.  Now before you open that box of horrors, hear me out.  I’ve been a good sport over the years.  I’ve let you dress me as a pumpkin, a bee, and a caterpillar.  I’ve even dressed up as a lobster for you.  I admit, not all the costumes you’ve picked out for me have been bad.  I did like it the year I was Count Chuckula.  But now that I’m 6 years old, don’t you think it is about time that I choose my own Halloween costume?  I’ve been giving this a lot of thought and I think I came up with a costume that can make us both happy.

It’s a buffalo plaid flannel shirt!  This simple flannel can be a variety of costumes.  For example, I could be Paul Bunyan, the giant lumberjack from American folklore, known for his superhuman strength.  Everyone knows my personality is bigger than life, and I can’t help but notice me and that statue in Bangor look an awful lot alike.  I see you shaking your head “no,” when it comes to the ax.  So forget Paul Bunyan.  I can be Dave Grohl!

Just look at this photo.  Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters and I could be mistaken as twins in our buffalo plaid flannels.  I know how much you enjoy Asa’s puns, so I’ll even let you call me Dave Growl.  Best yet, throw a flannel shirt on Asa, and he can be Kurt Cobain.  You still talk about that time you saw Nirvana in concert.  Admit it, we’d be cool!

Speaking of cool, if Paul Bunyan and Dave Grohl are too specific, I could wear this shirt and go trick or treating as a hipster, as seen in coffee shops, farmers markets, and microbreweries across the country!  Who doesn’t love a hipster?  Or add Asa in his lobster costume and we could go trick or treating as Mainers.  This costume could even be a nod to my Momma Sage’s career as a LL Bean model.

So what do you say, Mom?  Can I wear this buffalo plaid flannel shirt for Halloween instead of whatever it is you picked out in that box?

Mom’s Rebuttal: I have to admit Dave Growl is really funny.  Let me think about this, because I truly think I finally picked out a costume you will like this year.  I will give you my answer closer to Halloween.  In the meantime, can you please hang my flannel shirt back in the closet where you found it?!