Yesterday, March 27th, marked the four year anniversary of me coming to live with Mom, Dad and Lemmy. I can still vividly remember my excitement when I left the whelping box, and started on that long car ride home to meet my new big brother. I dreamed of this moment! But as with all things, the reality was a bit different than I anticipated. I greeted him with an enthusiastic high pitch bark, and Lemmy…hid behind Dad…then peed on me! You see, Lemmy was 5 years old, the only dog and first Granddog, and shall we say accustomed to being the darling of the family. It didn’t take long for me to figure out that he was unprepared for sharing the spotlight with an adorable puppy. But I didn’t realize how spoiled Lemmy was until I stumbled upon these emails that he wrote to his mother, Butter. “Menace to society?!” “If it fits, it ships?!” Seriously, I was an 8 week old puppy! How bad could I have been?
March 28, 2012
Dear Momma Butter,
This isn’t exactly how I envisioned it would be. Please do not tell Aunt Pansy, but I’m getting bullied by an 8 week old puppy! President Obama and Lady Gaga say that bullying is a big problem in this country and that most parents don’t realize their child is being bullied. Mine are oblivious. Chuck Billy is a menace to society! I try my best to stand my ground, but he is unimpressed by my efforts to sound mean. In fact, I think I’m his favorite chew toy. He’s even kicked me out of my own crate! Please come help!
Droopy Tail Wags,
Lemmy
Dearest One,
Do you still have your directions to my home? The puppy is adorable and what a looker, but obviously he is taking after Aunt Pansy’s side of Goldens. We all have relatives that we don’t talk about, but perhaps he can still be returned? Do you think that is a possibility my dearest one?
Anyway stand up to bullies, don’t take it and start on your way home to me, we’ll leave the lights on.
See you soon.
Love,
Momma Butter
March 31, 2012
Thanks Momma Butter! You gave me the best advice for my plight. I reviewed the contract, and sure enough there is a return policy. I just need a ride to the postoffice so I can pick up one of those “if it fits, it ships” boxes. Problem solved! Sure beats the advice my kitty cousin, Misty, gave me of hide in the armoire.
I’ll let you know how my trip to the postoffice goes!
Tail Wags,
Lemmy
[Editor’s Note: Despite the rocky start, Lemmy and Chuck Billy became best friends. But yes, we did have to stop Lemmy from attempting to ship Chuck Billy back!]
