Tomorrow, Saturday, April 6, 2024, my mentor, Ancient Astronaut theorist, Giorgio Tsoukalos will be practically in my neck of the woods! Giorgio Tsoukalos, along with David Childress, Nick Pope, and William Henry will be at the Music Hall in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, as part of their Ancient Aliens LIVE: Project Earth tour! You have to ask yourself is it a coincidence that Giorgio Tsoukalos will be so close to me, Chuck Billy the Renowned Dog Ufologist from Maine, on the eve of the solar eclipse? This Dog Ufologist, says, “NO!” In fact, I’m sure he’s here so we can discuss my theories and watch the eclipse together on Monday!
Now one would assume arranging this meeting of the minds is as simple as a personal invitation to get together over dinner. But yet here we are one day away, and my invitation has not arrived. Asa said it must have got lost in the mail, but I of course know the truth. There is a conspiracy to keep us apart!
I could purchase a ticket to attend their lecture in the historic theater, but there’s a no dogs allowed policy at the venue! Don’t they know I’m not just any dog? I’ve been researching UFOs for years and sharing my findings on social media. Not everyone has time to produce a ground breaking television series like Giorgio, but I try my best to get my theories out there for all to read! If anything, I should be on the stage with Giorgio tonight! Who wouldn’t want a Golden Retriever on stage?! Everyone loves Goldens! Well except the Men in Black. But a lint roller would fix that issue.
Adding to my conspiracy theory is I can’t even purchase a ticket for their meet and greet. Again there is that no dogs loophole, where you must have a ticket to the event to buy this add-on. Oh sure the allotted time to say “hello” and get a photo with these Ancient Aliens icons is an insult to my greatness. However, at least it would get me in the same room as my mentor. My mentor, who I’ve watched every episode of Ancient Aliens since I was a puppy. Clearly the “government” is behind this plot to keep us apart. We both know too much. Just imagine us in a room together!
All hope is not lost though. I have a few plans in play. One is I could hang out by the back entrance to the Music Hall theater, and just casually be there when they arrive for Saturday evening’s event. But there are still snow flurries and rain in the forecast, and I can’t risk getting my UFO research notebooks wet. I’d send Asa to wait for me, but he gets distracted too easily and could be making a snow angels when they arrive, or worst yet making friends with one of the many pigeons of Portsmouth. Or even more embarrassing, Asa could think he’s there to audition for the role of Sandy in musical Annie again. Hmmm, I wonder if that’s the reason they now have that no dog policy at the theater? His audition wasn’t that bad. But I digress.
Thankfully, Mom and Dad do have tickets to Ancient Aliens LIVE: Project Earth! Sadly they couldn’t afford the meet and greet tickets, due Asa’s selfishness with all of his mounting medical bills. But at least they will be in the same building as Giorgio! Surely they could get a message to my mentor! What if they unfurl a banner over the balcony with a simple but direct message? “Dear Giorgio, Chuck Billy the Renowned Dog Ufologist needs to talk to you about the upcoming UFO invasion taking place on Monday, April 8th, during the total solar eclipse over Maine. Have your people talk to my people to arrange a meeting. I’ll bring snacks. Sincerely Your Biggest Fan, Chuck Billy.” If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to need to purchase a bigger bed sheet and a lot more glitter to write this message, so it stands out and Giorgio won’t miss it.
