Bret Michaels of Poison was in our neck of the woods this weekend. Well technically he was in New Hampshire not Maine. But he did perform near where I was born! As part of his Parti-Gras tour, he’s inviting famous singers to join him onstage. So I assumed I would receive an invitation and backstage pass to the show. But they never arrived! I’m sure it was just a clerical error. Bret must have sent it to my previous whelping box address in New Hampshire by mistake. Or maybe he thought his tour date would interfere with my world tour of Maine? No worries. Despite clearing my schedule and being ready to join him onstage to bark my parody of Poison’s “Nothin’ But a Good Time,” I’ll just perform it for you in my living room instead. My version is called Nothin’ But a New Toy and I dedicate it to all the dogs who are squeaking old toys every day!

Now listen, not a treat, I haven’t hiked in weeks
I can barely get this toy to squeak.
Saturday morn I’d like to run and play
But right now all Dad does is sleep.

I’m always walkin’, fetchin’ every day
Gotta get away from the same old, same old
I need a chance just to squeak and play
If you can hear me bark, this is what I’d say

Don’t need nothin’ but a new toy
With a squeak I can’t resist
Ain’t looking for nothin’ but a new toy
And it don’t squeak better than this.

So I spend Mom’s money on kibble and treats
But that doesn’t mean I don’t want somethin’ that squeaks.
I’m real sorry about the shape my toys are in
I just like to chew them every now and then.

I’m always walkin’, fetchin’ every day
Gotta get away from the same old, same old
I need a chance just to squeak and play
If you can hear me bark, this is what I’d say

Don’t need nothin’ but a new toy
With a squeak I can’t resist
Ain’t looking for nothin’ but a new toy
And it don’t squeak better than this.

You see I raise a paw to to all of us
Who are chewin’ old toys every day.
If wantin’ a new toy is such a crime
Then dog catcher put me away, here’s to ya!

[Squeaky Solo]
Mmm, squeaky!

Don’t need nothin’ but a new toy
With a squeak I can’t resist
Ain’t looking for nothin’ but a new toy
And it don’t squeak better than this!