After enjoying a relatively mild summer, Mother Nature has turned up the heat here. Problem is, with the air conditioner and fans on full blast inside our home, my brother Chuck Billy is confused and thinks it is cool outside too. This has lead to a heated discussion between him and Mom as Chuck Billy demands to go out to play fetch. But rather than explain their disagreement in prose, I decided to write a song about it to the tune of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside.” I hope you enjoy this parody destined to become a summertime favorite, or perhaps just an earworm for today, while I referee Mom and Chuck Billy’s debate.

I want to go play (Puppy, it’s hot outside)

It’s such a nice day (But Puppy, it’s HOT outside)

The weather is great (Great to stay inside)

Summer is nice (Oh look, let’s eat some ice!)

Mother there’s no need to worry (Puppy what is your hurry?)

There’s really no need to be lazy (Gee outdoors it looks so very hazy)

It’s time to scurry (No seriously, what’s ya hurry?)

Maybe we’ll wait a half hour more (Please get away from that door)

It’s time for a dip (Puppy, it’s 102 out there)

I’ll do my backflip (I’d rather you stay in here)

I wish I knew how (Let’s play inside right now)

To do the backstroke (Puppy, you’ll give me heatstroke)

You always say no, no, no (Hey, what do you know?)

Please don’t make me cry (What’s the sense in making us fry?)

I really can’t play? (Maybe later today)

Oh, Puppy it’s hot outside!

I really must go (But Puppy, it’s hot outside)

You always say no (But Puppy, it’s HOT outside)

It’s just tropical (Please, let’s be logical)

So nice and warm (Look out here comes a thunderstorm)

Look at my lonely kiddie pool (Doesn’t this AC feel cool?)

Please don’t make me vicious (Don’t these frozen treats look delicious?)

Well maybe one cookie more (It’s never been this humid before!)

Feel that fresh air! (Oh Puppy, it’s tropical out there!)

It’s time for a run (That won’t be too fun)

This weather is grand (It really should be banned)

Please play with me (Staying cool is the key!)

But it’s the Dog Days of Summer (I know that is quite a bummer)

At least you can’t say I didn’t try (To make us melt and fry?)

I want to go play (We can do that inside today)

Ah but it’s hot outside

Oh Puppy, it’s HOT outside!