For thousands of years dogs and humans have had a good working relationship. We protect them. They feed us. However, after thousands of years of being dedicated to our job, we’re now being replaced. Humans have outsourced a dog’s #1 job to artificial intelligence! Worst yet, I had to find out while watching tv!

So there I was curled up on my dog bed catching up on my favorite tv shows, while Asa played with his squeaky toy in the other room. That’s when a commercial came on for some home security system that included a feature of the sound of a dog barking when you’re not home. What?! This is an outrage! How can a talking box possibly replicate the hard work us dogs do protecting our homes? Barking takes skill! Barking takes thought! Barking can happen at any time, and isn’t something to be programmed to do!

Clearly humans are taking our hard work for granted. I’ll have you know that over the course of just last week alone I have protected my family from a menacing mailman, a nefarious squirrel, and a suspicious leaf. I also alerted my family seconds before a surprise visit from a friend. Can a talking box on a shelf nowhere near a window do that? NO! Multiply my heroic actions by dogs around the world, and we have saved our humans from both real and imaginary threats millions of times! Yet someone thought a robot could be programmed to do better?

I blame this dependence on technology on lazy pups, including my very own brother, Asa. Their refusal to bark has given humans no choice but to find an alternative solution. Oh sure, they probably know it isn’t as good as the real thing, but what choice do they have? Quiet dogs like Asa are not fulling their job requirement to protect our homes! But before you rush out and purchase one of these so-called security systems, ask yourself is it worth putting a hard working dog out of a job?

Asa’s rebuttal: Perhaps the need isn’t because dogs aren’t doing their job? Maybe it’s because our job has evolved and we’re no longer stuck at home guarding our houses? Instead are leading our families on grand adventures in the big world!