I am excited to announce that I have undeniable proof for my kitchen portal theory! For those unfamiliar with this aspect of my research as a renowned Dog Ufologist, for years I have been investigating the connection between things disappearing in my kitchen and reappearing in the most unexpected of places. Take for example in 2021 when I solved the mysterious disappearance of my dog nail clippers, last seen in our kitchen, then randomly reappeared years later by way of a Picnic Basket Portal. Something similar also happened in 2020 with the mysterious disappearance of my leash when it reappeared in my kitchen.

Simultaneously I have also been investigating a possible portal in my yard. That research began in 2018 on CSI – Pink Flamingo, when one of our lawn ornaments went missing and mysteriously reappeared months later in our yard. At that time, I thought it was due to a UFO abduction, but expanded my theory in 2022 to include a Snowball Portal in my backyard after witnessing unexplained activity there.

This brings me to today’s announcement connecting my two theories of the kitchen and yard portals! Recently Dad went for a walk in our woods to inspect the tree damage from winter. When he returned to our house, he realized his keys were missing from his pockets! Despite intense questioning by Mom as to where he last saw them, Dad was adamant they were in his pants pockets, and must have fallen out in the woods. Back he trekked to retrace his steps, hoping to locate them in the brush and mud. At first I have to admit I was a little offended that Asa and I, with our powerful noses, weren’t invited to help with the search. However, it was good that I remained behind with Mom, to witness where the keys mysteriously reappeared. Mom found Dad’s missing keys in his coat pocket, hanging in the closet, in the kitchen!!!!

This is irrefutable evidence that there is some type of portal or wormhole connecting our yard to the kitchen! It is the only logical explanation of how keys that were definitely in Dad’s pants pocket but fell out when he was in the woods, ended up in the pocket of the coat he wore that morning walking us. Now if you’ll please excuse me, I need to search that kitchen closet for any signs of those missing snowballs!

I wonder if the lack of bacon in my refrigerator is also connected to this portal theory? My quest for answers continues!