Asa here. Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Billy and I are not joining the thousands of people planning to storm Area 51 today. As Chuck Billy is quick to point out, any self-respecting dog ufologist knows that ever since Megadeth sang about it in “Hanger 18” in 1990, Area 51 is old news. Besides everyone knows the government is hiding the good stuff at Dulce Base, which is the underground facility on the Colorado-New Mexico border. Or so I’ve been told by Chuck Billy, but I digress. However, to be on the safe side, Chuck Billy is insisting that we spend today monitoring the events in Rachel, Nevada, while safely tucked away in our bunker in an undisclosed location.

I know it sounds silly.  However, as his little brother it is my job to believe what Chuck Billy says.  It’s tradition.  After all, when Chuck Billy was a puppy, our oldest brother, Lemmy filled his head with all sorts of Dog Alien Abduction Theories.  In fact, it was Lemmy who taught Chuck Billy about bunkers.  They stayed in Lemmy’s bunker during the anticlimactic Mayan Apocalypse of 2012.  It may all sound foolish, but I have to admit Lemmy’s influence has led to some of Chuck Billy’s more interesting theories on UFOs.

For example, during the Perseid Meteor Showers in 2016 Chuck Billy theorized that Aliens use the meteors to disguise their ships.  At first I was skeptical, but sure enough he showed me photos captured in our backyard of the UFO laser beams pointed right at me!  Or how about that time a UFO was spotted over Portland, Maine?  I thought for sure they were just intergalactic tourists enjoying all that Maine has to offer.  However, Chuck Billy was convinced that visit was a research trip in preparation for the Great American Solar Eclipse!  Ok, so Chuck Billy may have been abducted during the eclipse in 2017, but luckily for us he was quickly returned.

So while the rest of the world watches to see what secrets could be revealed at Area 51 today, I’ll be safe and sound listening to the predictions of my big brother, the renowned Dog Ufologist. Although I admit I’m a bit disappointed that he’s making us miss the Alienstock Festival planned for today. Who wouldn’t want to attend an out of this world party?