Asa here, writing to you from our UFO bunker in an undisclosed location. Chuck Billy is insisting that we stay in his secret bunker all day today due to the partial solar eclipse over Maine this morning. As a Dog Ufologist, Chuck Billy is convinced that while the sunrise over Maine was shrouded in darkness, Aliens used that as an opportunity to invade Earth. I know, it sounds silly. However, as his little brother it is my job to believe what he says. It’s tradition.  After all, when Chuck Billy was a puppy, our oldest brother, Lemmy filled his head with all sorts of Dog Alien Abduction Theories. In fact, it was Lemmy who taught Chuck Billy about the importance of having a well-stocked UFO bunker. They stayed in Lemmy’s bunker during the anticlimactic Mayan Apocalypse of 2012.  It may all sound foolish, but I have to admit Chuck Billy has has some interesting theories on UFOs, especially when it comes to Maine.

For example, remember back in March when our meteorologist dismissed a recent UFO hovering over Turner, Maine as a lenticular cloud? Clearly that meteorologist had his head in the clouds! This isn’t the only “natural” phenomenon in Maine that wasn’t so natural. Who can forget forget the 300-foot-wide ice disk spinning in the Presumpscot River in Westbrook in 2019? That was a weird week in Maine, but again our meteorologist was fooled by the Aliens who parked their UFO right where everyone could see it! Then there was the time in 2016 when a sergeant with the Portland Police captured on dash cam video a UFO flying over the city. Local “experts” dismissed it as a meteor. However, Chuck Billy knew the truth that it was intergalactic tourists invading Maine over Memorial Day Weekend. Which I might add, the timing of this morning’s eclipse being so close to Memorial Day Weekend again, makes Chuck Billy concerned that the extraterrestrial tourists are back.

Sure some of Chuck Billy’s theories turn out to be much ado about nothing. He thought for sure the Great Conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn on the Winter Solstice in December was actually the Mayan prophecy of the end of the world finally coming to fruition. Even Chuck Billy was relieved he was wrong that day, but he’d never admit it. Also after spending an entire day in our bunker for the Great American Solar Eclipse in 2017, Chuck Billy was disappointed to learn that no Lizard Man, Bigfoots, or Druids were spotted. However, in that case he is convinced why there weren’t any sightings was simply because it was too dark, and continues to claim his theories were correct that day.

So here we sit in our UFO bunker, in an undisclosed location, wondering and waiting what this most recent “natural” phenomenon in Maine will bring us. But that’s ok, as the little brother of the renowned Dog Ufologist, Chuck Billy, I wouldn’t want spend it any other way. Oh by the way, Chuck Billy would like everyone to mark their calendars. The next total solar eclipse over Maine will be on April 8, 2024.