I was working an overtime shift patrolling the aisles of Home Depot with Dad. Yes, it’s beyond the range of my usual neighborhood patrol duties, but I’m always willing to lend a helping paw. Good thing too, because I noticed a very suspicious character. Based on that surly grin on his face, I knew he […]
Last week at approximately 2:43 PM I overheard Mom report to Dad that a section of our fence was knocked down. This sounds like a case for Detective Chuck Billy! Immediately Dad jumped to conclusions and blamed Mother Nature’s blustery attitude for the breach in our fence. However, I knew it couldn’t be that obvious. […]
Today is NOT my lucky day. There I was on morning patrol, minding my own business while doing my business. The trees were alive with the music of singing birds. There were Robins happily enjoying breakfast on the neighbor’s lawn. There was also a flock of Canadian Geese flying overhead. In short, after a week […]
Over the weekend Dad and I decided to explore the Cottontail Rabbit habitat in our neighbor’s woods. Not sure what I was expecting to see. Probably some sort of cross between the Rankin and Bass Easter special of “Here Comes Peter Cottontail,” and the recent Netflix adaptation of Richard Adams’ Watership Down. Instead we saw […]
I can’t believe Mom and Dad spent the weekend binge watching Netflix’s The Haunting of Hill House, when they repeatedly ignore my warnings about the haunted house right in our own neighborhood. In fact, I even wrote about this neighborhood threat last year, long before the popular Netflix series even aired. So without further ado, […]
I would like to issue my sincere apologies to my neighbors. It has come to my attention that Asa and Mom are not taking their neighborhood patrol duties serious. In fact, I have an eyewitness report that Asa was seen prancing while Mom was singing her favorite walking song a bit too loudly: I’m up […]
Did you know earlier this week was Cow Appreciation Day? I’m way overdue in letting the Cows, who lived on our street, know how much I appreciated them. So late, in fact, they’ve left the neighborhood months ago! I truly do miss them. They were a huge part of our routine, and yet like most […]
My neighborhood patrol job is inherently dangerous. In my six years of performing my duties day in and day out, I’ve seen a lot. I’ve saved a dog from getting hit by a car, I’ve been stalked by coyotes along the wood line, I’ve been stared down by a bull, and I’ve even had to […]
Our missing Pink Flamingo came home! His reappearance is just as mysterious as his disappearance. Mom came home the other day and there he is back with his flock on the dirt pile! She is positive he wasn’t there that morning, because ever since he went missing Mom would start each day by checking on […]
I’d like to thank you for attending today’s press conference regarding the nationwide search for our missing Pink Flamingo. I’m Detective Chuck Billy and this is my partner Det. Asa. Our beloved lawn ornament went missing exactly one week ago sometime between 5:00 PM on Thursday and 2:00 PM on Friday. At that time the […]
